


Hope

by galaxticangel



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Commander kink, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Female Solo, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi, Knight of Ren - Freeform, PTSD, Parents Han and Leia, Slow Burn, Smut, Solo original character, Strong Language, Strong sexual tension, Swearing, Torture, age gap, alcohol problem, slightly kinky, solo oc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25910053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxticangel/pseuds/galaxticangel
Summary: Hope Solo, daughter of Han and Leia, Knight of Ren turned Resistance fighter.Her life was destroyed at the age of sixteen when the truth about Vader was exposed and her brother turned to the darkside.Roughly two years before the events of The Force Awakens, at the age of twenty, she follows in the steps of her grandmother Padme in becoming a senator. Until she is forced to flee to the only person who understands her conflict, her estranged brother Kylo Ren.Poe Dameron and Leia, the only people within the Resistance who know her true identity, watch as she becomes known as Vayra Ren, the First Orders symbolic princess and apprentice to Kylo Ren.Reluctantly she follows the orders of Snoke and Hux, until a fateful and electrifying encounter with Poe Dameron causes her to question her future with the First Order, a fate she once believed was set in stone.As the thin line between resentment and desire becomes dashed and divided can a Resistance Commander and the last Skywalker find love in the midst of war?A love that threatens to repeat history and end in tragedy.*Feel free to skim most of the first chapter since it’s mostly backstory. Poe comes in chapter two*
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Original Character(s), Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. ONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope serves on the Royal Council of Naboo as advisor and bodyguard to their Queen and becomes a senator, however visions of the darkside haunt her relentlessly.  
> That darkness threatens to consume her when she is put on trial in the senate for being a Skywalker and the sister of Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to skim most of the chapter unless you want the backstory to her character.  
> Poe comes in chapter 2.

**HOPE**

_By the time she walked in pale faced I already knew something terrible had happened. Even at sixteen with the little training I had I could feel the darkness. Deep down I knew the truth. I'd seen it in visions I'd denied for so long but there was no denying it any longer._

_"Mom." My voice was that of a frighten child's, it was the last day I'd ever be one. "Where's Ben?"_

_She was more shaken than I'd ever seen her._

_"Hope. I need you to sit down."_

_Tears blurred my vision as I dared to ask "What did he do?"_

_She stumbled over her words, something as a senator she never did, until finally all she could say was "He's not your brother anymore. He's gone."_

_Gone. It was such a gentle word. The darkside is anything but gentle. I'd gripped the edge of the table to keep myself standing and looked around. Luke should have been there, Dad should have been there._

_"Luke?" I asked and she looked away "Dad, where's dad?"_

_"He's gone to find Luke. No one can find him. The temple... no one survived."_

_My voice was a horrified whisper as my vision darkened "What did he do?"_

_But I already knew. I'd seen it in dreams, nightmares. I knew better than she ever could._

_She pulled me into her arms and told me "You're going to stay with some family on Naboo where you'll be safe."_

_"No!" I protested tearfully. "I want my brother, I want Ben! Let me go after him, I can bring him back."_

_For just a moment she considered it, she knew I was the only person who had a chance of bringing him home but inevitably she shook her head sadly. "It's too dangerous. I'm not going to lose you, I won't let Snoke touch you. I won't let you be touched by the darkness like your brother was."_

_"Please," I pleaded, a young girl desperately trying to hold onto her brother who had raised her more than her parents ever had "Let me bring him home."_

_"He isn't himself Hope, he- we believe that he tried to kill Luke," she told me and seemed confused by the lack of shock on my face. "He isn't himself, he'd only try to turn you and I won't let that happen."_

_That was her greatest mistake. Assuming I wasn't already living with the darkness my brother fought for so long. And now the only person who understood my conflict was gone._

_Darkness devours the light and I can hear his whisper through the force, a broken plea "Join me."_

_The darkness is broken by burning red, a lightsaber. Not his, but mine._

I used to wake gasping and clutching my chest with tears burning in my eyes, crying for the brother I'd lost, but now I just stare numbly at the wall.

Even after four years it still haunts me. I don't think it will ever stop. Not while the visions persist.

Not while he's still out there hiding from his family, but then again he's not the only one.

"Hope?"

I look up to see her standing in my open doorway, Siya, my cousin, the Queen of Naboo and my friend.

"Is everything alright?" I ask pulling my blanket up to my chest to hide the old texts I'd fallen asleep reading. "Is there a council meeting?"

She shakes her head and her face is grim as she examines me. She knows what haunts me.

"Aunt Pooja is here," she informs me and I swallow knowing why. My grandmother Padme's niece, my mother's first cousin. She has been my mentor and unofficial guardian since I arrived here four years ago and has not so subtly guided my life here, guided me away from the force and to politics at my mothers behest. After all, the daughter and granddaughter of two senators has a legacy to uphold. And Siya, the daughter of Padme's other niece Ryoo, we were all so proud when she was elected as queen. But before that we were just two cousins from a noble family trying to make a name for ourselves. She's made her's, now it's time for me to make mine.

"I'll be there soon," I say feeling the texts beneath the covers, knowledge that is meant to be hidden from me for my own safety.

She hovers there for a moment taking a closer look at me. "I'm worried about you Hope."

"Well you're the only one," I comment knowing by now how to cover myself. What's more concerning, a girl missing her family or having visions of the darkside? "I thought that Dad would visit for my birthday but well he hasn't visited for the last three either so I shouldn't be surprised. Even Mom decided to take a miss, at least she actually has an excuse being a general and all. At least Uncle Lando came and took me out to celebrate, though he said he won't be around much now, going to live the peaceful life on some planet in the outer rims but he'll visit when he can, unlike my father."

She exhales sadly "I know this isn't just about your parents. These past months you've-"

"I just miss them that's all," I say shortly and she doesn't press any further. She's starting to see the truth. She's been my friend since I first came to Naboo, she knows I haven't been myself but what she's only just beginning to see is the darkness. I've tried to hide it for years but these past months it's become so exhausting, almost unbearable. Any resentment I felt for my brother has turned to pity now that I understand what he fought for so long.

"Well, then I'll leave you to get ready," she says and with one last hesitant look she leaves me.

For almost two years I've secretly served as Siya's decoy due to the resemblance we bear as cousins, and also as her bodyguard. That appointment didn't come as a surprise due to my training but my appointment to her council was the last position I expected to fill. That was a year and a half ago.

Since then I've served as an advisor on a variety of matters including relations with the Gungans, galactic issues such as the First Order and the Resistance, and even the Republic itself. While most councillors were oblivious to the cold war we have entered as the daughter of the Resistance's leader I certainly made them very aware of the threat that the First Order poses. It was by my advice that they've begun secretly preparing for the war we will be facing soon enough. They were reluctant at first due to the Republics policies against militarisation but they agreed when I warned them to avoid repeating history.

When the granddaughter of Darth Vader and the daughter of two war heroes warns a council to prepare for war they tend to listen.

However Siya's term is about to end, she will apply for a second but nothing can be certain. If she is not re-elected I could be removed from the council as it's by her will that I'm there as an advisor. It's time to look towards a more permanent position.

I lift back the covers and look at the texts sprawled beside me, teachings I travelled long and far to find. The path of the Jedi, but when I look to the future all I see is red, and it's never been so vivid.

~

Despite the shadows in the back of my mind I keep my head high and wear a polite smile while listening to Pooja. A poker face I've perfected over these past four years, one I've practised my entire life.

"Now that Siya's term is about to end, its time you look towards a more permanent position," she tells me. As a former senator she's also served as an advisor to Siya and previous queens since the restoration of the Republic and is very well respected but her political days are behind her. "These past years I've mentored you and shown you the ropes of politics, but there is no doubt you have a natural affinity for it. The Gungans respect you almost as much as they respected Padme and you've earned the respect of the council. I'd encourage you to run for local election, however we believe that you would be more valuable representing Naboo rather than dealing with day to day issues of the city."

She looks to Siya who continues "I've spoken with the council and due to situation with the Cold War I am encouraging you to represent Naboo in the Senate."

I expected her to encourage me to run for the Legislative Assembly, or possibly even election, not the Senate. Naboo politics and galactic politics are two very different things.

"The Senate," I repeat trying not to show amusement at how ridiculous it sounds. The suggestion wouldn't seem so ridiculous if it weren't for what they did to my mother "The Senate and the Republic hate my family."

Siya and Pooja share a look. They know the full truth about my family. Sometimes I'm still surprised Padme's elderly sister Sola took me in after Ben turned, she's past eighty now and the first time she saw me tears filled her eyes and she said my grandmothers name. She welcomed me with open arms which I am eternally grateful for. Up until then I was living with Lando, hidden in case Ben came looking for me. Pooja took me under her wing just as she'd done with Siya, she knew and was friends with my mother when they were both in the senate during the days of the Empire. They saw me as Padme's granddaughter and Leia's daughter. Never the blood of Vader.

But sometimes I fear I may be more like my grandfather than my grandmother.

"It's been years since the Empire fell and five since the truth about Vader was revealed. Surely the Senate must put it behind them at some point," Siya says then carefully suggests "Even so, if you do agree to represent us do not put yourself forward as the daughter of Leia Organa and especially not as a Skywalker."

The truth about Anakin Skywalker and his children was outed in the senate just months before Ben turned. My mother was forced to resign and her political career was ruined. My name would only put a target on my back.

"Well she can't use Solo," Pooja comments "They all know Han's gone back to smuggling, there's no doubt there's some sort of bounty on him."

The words hurt but they're true. I used to be the daughter of a war hero and a princess, now I'm just the daughter of a smuggler and a disgraced senator. When I arrived here Pooja told me to take the Naberrie name to conceal who I was but it wasn't long before the truth was discovered. Even so these past years I've gone by the Naberrie name.

"If Solo isn't a good enough name for them then continue calling yourself Naberrie," she says then after a moment of thought proposes "or you can follow in your grandmothers footsteps."

I sit up a little straighter "Amidala?"

"You are more than a Skywalker Hope. Do not let your legacy weigh you down. You are a citizen of Naboo, represent us in the Senate. You have been my cousin, my friend, my decoy, my bodyguard and my adviser. There is no one more fit to represent me."

If I take my grandmothers name I will be officially disowning the Skywalker legacy, the one that ruined my mother's career in the Senate and caused my brother to turn. By taking the Amidala name I'd be disowning my family, disowning her. We're distant enough as it is, doing this might just break her heart if she still cares.

These past years I've wanted to rid myself of the Solo name, the name of a smuggler who abandoned his daughter when she needed him most. I'd hoped to take the Skywalker name as I have no connection to the name Organa but doing either would still damn me in the eyes of the senate. My name damns me regardless.

Amidala is the only one which still holds integrity.

"My families legacy is destroyed. My brother calls himself Kylo Ren, no one knows where Luke is and I haven't seen my father since he told me he and my mother were separating, that was more than three years ago," I mutter and tap my fingernails on the wooden table in heavy debate "All I have left is my mother, I can't just disown her like that."

"She sent you here so you would be free from your legacy, from your grandfather and your brother. She will understand," Pooja coaxes but I'm still hesitant.

It's been four years since I've been home, but where is that anymore? Chandrila? Hosnian Prime? Certainly not Alderaan. Is it the Millenium Falcon? Or is it a Resistance base I've stepped foot in only once?

Whatever home I had was destroyed when my brother turned.

Naboo is my home now. It has to be. It has been for four years.

Siya takes my hand in her's "Hope, will you accept my offer to be senator?"

A senator.

At the beginning when I began studying at the academy politics was merely a cover so I could teach myself the Jedi ways in secret, things Luke should have taught me but never truly did.

Not properly at least.

I may have spent a few months out of every year at the temple but the majority of the time I was being educated in whatever city the senate was being hosted in. I never became a true student. I received basic training as the other students did but Ben noticed that even with my lack of the consistent training a padawan receives that I exceeded them all. It was him who truly taught me, who wanted to raise me up to his level and would try to teach me a years worth of training in the short time we had, much to Luke's disapproval when he found out. There was a time I'd hope to become his apprentice but by then they feared the darkness within him too much to allow him to teach me.

And so here I ended up. I don't know when politics turned from a mere cover to an actual passion but it did. Perhaps it was unavoidable when my mother leads the Resistance and my brother is the apprentice of Snoke.

I smile to myself a little at the irony of it all. Including becoming a senator.

My weapon has always been a blaster, not words. Even so, words are still a weapon and perhaps a far more efficient one.

And so I make my decision.

"I will."

As the words leave my mouth there is the slightest spark of hope, something I've been missing for a long time. A chance to be someone. To make a name for myself that isn't cursed.

To be more than my legacy.

~

Weeks later I sit in the Senate wearing one of my grandmothers dresses, my hair styled as my mother once wore hers. Neither of them are here now but it still brings me comfort.

Brings me strength.

I'd like to imagine that they would be proud.

I look around the room unable to help but feel intimidated, hundreds of faces, very, very few of whom I recognise but someone here is bound to recognise me.

"Now, I believe Naboo has appointed a new senator," the Chancellor says. "Senator... Amidala. You may now introduce yourself to the Senate."

And so I stand for them all to see.

"I am Senator Amidala," I say avoiding the use of my first name. "I am twenty years of age and have completed thorough studies at the Naboo Royal Academy on politics and intergalactic relations. I have served as Queen Siya's advisor on her royal council for almost the entirety of her term as Queen. Upon her personal request and with support from the Royal Council I have been appointed to represent Naboo in the Galactic Senate."

"Objection!" I immediately hear and I don't show any response. After my mothers experience with the senate this was to be expected. "Her true name is Hope Solo, she is the daughter of the smuggler Han Solo and former senator Princess Leia Organa. She wasn't even born on Naboo, she only became a citizen several years ago and primarily served as a handmaiden and is a distant cousin to the queen. She is not suited to debate issues of galactic importance."

Well that was bound to happen. At least it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. They haven't brought up Vader, yet.

"I have adopted the name of my grandmother Padme Amidala who served as queen and then as senator for Naboo until her death, my relative and mentor Pooja Naberrie also served as senator until the dissolution of the senate by the Empire. I may not have been born there but I am certainly descended from its people and have adopted its culture. I became a citizen several years ago where I lived with my grandmothers family until my residence in the Royal Palace of Theed. I may have originally served as Queen Siya's handmaiden for a month before I was appointed to her council, which was done not because I am a distant cousin, but on the recommendation of her advisers. Since then I have served as an adviser, advising them on a number of issues of galactic importance so I believe the council and the Queen would disagree with your statement that I am not suited to represent them."

He swallows in defeat and sits back down only for someone to just as quickly rise.

"Padme Amidala. The wife of Darth Vader!" a man calls out and again I don't ;et anything cross my face. "This child can call herself whatever she wants, but she is the kin of Vader!"

Ah there it is. Well at least I was expecting it.

I remain calm but my voice is firm. "The wife of Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight, never Vader. She died during childbirth which caused him to turn to the Emperor," I tell them, changing a few of the details to make them more sympathetic. His turn to the dark side may have led to her death but they don't need to know that. Considering I actually have a voice I may as well use it, my mother didn't get the opportunity. Her enemies just ambushed her, she never had a chance to tell them Anakin's story. They only know Vader's. "But yes, Anakin Skywalker is my grandfather. However I do not see how that in any way is relevant to representing Naboo."

Another person addresses me more calmly "Your mother resigned from the senate only years ago due to the revelation that her father was Darth Vader himself, a fact which she kept secret. What makes you believe you are any fitter than she was?"

I take a deep breath and remain calm, articulate. I was expecting these questions.

"Grandchildren should not be beholden to their grandfathers crimes. He is a man I never met and would never wish to meet. As far as I am concerned my grandfather died the moment he became Darth Vader. Regardless, I condemn both his actions and beliefs, and in no way represent them."

"And what of the actions of your brother?" someone accuses and I draw a sharp breath. "Your mother can claim he was killed in the fire that took the lives of the students training under Luke Skywalker but she can only lie for so long. We have heard the rumours from within the First Order, that Kylo Ren is in fact Ben Solo."

A name I haven't heard spoken aloud in a very long time. With the mention of his name the darkness that's lingered is finally sinking it's claws into me and all I can do is try to keep my voice from shaking.

"My brother, Ben Solo, is dead," I insist. "And your allegations are based on rumour alone, in fact the only basis for these rumours is the knowledge that Snokes apprentice is a force user as my brother was. There is no evidence to support your allegations other than biased speculation to further discredit and condemn my family in the eyes of the Republic!"

They murmur amongst themselves and I stand just as tall as my mother did. As my grandmother would have. The senate will not daunt me, but the darkness has other plans.

"Enough with the allegations," the Chancellor drawls and I merely glance at him. Ever since Mon Mothma resigned the senate has been weak, corrupted with First Order sympathisers, and its leadership is too afraid to admit it. "Does anyone have any valid objections to Senator Amidala's presence in the senate?"

They murmur amongst themselves trying to find any excuse. The First Order sympathisers find one.

"Your mother is the leader of the Resistance. How do we know you aren't pushing her agenda through the senate?"

The last thing the First Order wants is a possible Resistance member in the senate. While I definitely support it I cannot be too vocal, not yet at least. However, I can't help but feel offended at being seen as my mothers little agent, just an extension of my family.

But then I finally realise that despite how hard I try that is all I'll ever be.

A Skywalker.

"I am not a member of the Resistance nor am I associated with it by anything other than blood relations."

"But it is enough."

A man with a dark presence stands and I recognise him immediately. He was one of the senators who orchestrated my mother's downfall by revealing the truth about Vader.

"This child standing in front of us is the confirmed blood and granddaughter of Darth Vader. Her mother was deemed unfit for the senate and was forced to resign. While the allegations involving Ben Solo have not been proven there is still evidence supporting them. Her mother lied to the Senate for years about her parentage, there is every reason she would lie about her son. Even the legendary Jedi Luke Skywalker has abandoned his family and is rumoured to be dead. The Skywalker bloodline is filled with warmongers, liars and darkside users. And not only does she have their blood, she is force sensitive."

"I am not," I say quickly, knowing that the attitude towards the Jedi is very divided. "I never trained with Luke Skywalker as my brother did, before his death."

"Not as your brother did perhaps, but you did train with him. For several months out of every year from the ages of ten to sixteen, if I am correct," he counters and my jaw clenches. He was prepared for this, which means he's likely not working alone. There is a First Order conspiracy at play.

I come to serve in the Senate and they put me on trial. Very well then.

"I'm sorry but can someone inform me, when did using the force become a crime?" I ask lifting my arms up from my sides in exasperation and address the senate. "Does anyone have any legislation that states that it is a crime? Anyone? Anyone at all? I'm waiting."

The answer is silence and I look at the man accusing me who does not look amused.

"Chancellor," I address. "Can you confirm that training, knowledge and use of the force is not a crime and that this man has no grounds to use it to discredit me."

He's hesitant as he sits up a little straighter and nervously glances at the man. "Senator Amidala is correct. Using the force is not a crime."

"Unless it is used to commit crimes," he elaborates and images of a burning temple flash before my mind. "They say Kylo Ren can manipulate the minds of people and torture with the force alone. Vader was well known for using the force to murder people by crushing their windpipes. Not to mention the mind tricks that are used by both the light and the dark side. What havoc and injustice could she wreak upon the senate if she also has these abilities?"

I don't trust myself to speak as he looks me in the eye and I feel my restraint growing weaker.

"I petition you all to have her dismissed from the Senate on the grounds of her immediate blood ties to Darth Vader, a Sith Lord. Leia Organa, a warmonger. Han Solo, a smuggler. And Kylo Ren, a Knight of Ren."

This isn't even about me. It's about them.

I'm just collateral damage in their plan to destroy us.

My voice is deadly. "And which of those crimes am I guilty of?"

He ignores me while the Chancellor continues to shrink back in his seat. "Her training in the force could wreak havoc upon the Senate and democracy itself, this child possesses abilities which are unnatural. Even the Empire agreed that the Jedi should not exist and took actions to remove them from power."

So he is a First Order sympathiser, likely had dealings with the Empire in its day as well.

"You mean by systematically slaughtering an entire order," I spit feeling my restrain about to snap. "You are publicly supporting a war crime."

"Against an order that could be compared to terrorists," he dismisses. "And with your brother supposedly dead and Luke Skywalker missing you are the last one them."

"I am," I say with pride just to spite them all, knowing that they will condemn me regardless.

Little do they know what I can do. Luke taught me the basics at my mothers behest to educate me but he always ignored my potential in favour of my brother, the prized pupil. He would be shocked at what I am capable of, but Ben- he would be proud.

"And you will be the last," he says and I keep my head held high in defiance.

"I am no Jedi," I threaten knowing where my heart truly lies, that it walks a dangerous tightrope between the light and the dark. "I don't have the discipline or the patience or the balance. But I will certainly fight as one if I must."

And that's one thing I know how to do. Fight.

"Or will you fight as a Sith?" he questions to get the senate riled up. "If this child is guilty of concealing the truth about Kylo Ren and her true abilities from the senate she would be not just a sympathiser of the Empire and the First Order but a danger and a traitor to the Republic!"

"How dare you call me a First Order sympathiser to condemn me when the senate will not even condemn the actions of the First Order!" I finally snap and the words flow from my mouth filled with such venom the room falls silent. Venom that has built up from years of hate, hate for the Republic and a senate that vilified my family. "They are a direct descendent of the Empire and if you wish to condemn me based solely on my bloodline then so be it. But as the granddaughter of Darth Vadar, a Sith Lord, I can tell you all what happens when a senate is weak enough to allow a terrorist regime to expand its powers as you are allowing the First Order to do! You call the Jedi terrorists when the real enemy is right on your doorstep ready to complete what the Empire could not! Both this senate and the New Republic are hiding behind the illusion of peace to conceal the fact it has been corrupted by true First Order sympathisers like this man right here. You are all too cowardly and too weak to confront the First Order and for that I promise that you will endure the same fate as the Old Republic!"

The moment I finish my voice echoes through the senate. It is dead silent. No one, not even my mother, is brave enough to ever say what I have.

"Your words condemn you," he says smugly. "I vote to have Hope Solo not only dismissed from the senate but apprehended due to the threats she has made against the Republic."

"Threats?" I laugh darkly, stunned by the audacity. "Oh you are doomed if you think words are a threat and not militarisation in the Outer Rims that breaks the Galactic Concordance, a fact this senate has ignored for years. If you wish to be so blatantly corrupt then you deserve what is coming for you."

The Chancellor finally stands. "Escort Hope Solo from the Senate and take her into custody."

"You want to arrest me?" I exclaim caught off guard enough that I don't realise that my self control and restraint that I've so closely monitored is now non-existent "On what charges?"

"You will be tried in accordance with the law and dealt with as the New Republic sees fit.

"On what charges!' I demand but they do not answer, and the look my accuser flashes me may as well be the First Order insignia.

As their guards go to grab me like a common criminal, darkness that's been buried for so long finally unleashes itself without warning, and both guards are thrown back into the wall and hit the ground with a horrible crack. They don't move and then blood begins to pool from their heads onto the white marble.

Dead.

For a moment I stand there, frozen in shock of what I've done, until blasters are drawn on me.

"Seize her!"

And with that darkness inside of me that has always been there finally unleashed I tear the blasters from the hands of the guards who run to seize me and freeze them in place. My heart pounding with the terrifying power rushing through my veins. The sting of betrayal is unlike any other. Betrayal, not by the Chancellor, or my accuser, but by the Republic itself.

And a voice whispers to me. They want to call me a First Order sympathiser with the same abilities as Kylo Ren?

I'll show them.

I throw the guards aside and dodge blaster shots as I very quickly run from the senate, making a beeline for my ship. I have to leap behind it to avoid the line of fire. Taking a risk I dive into the cockpit and scramble for my blaster, sinking down into the chair to avoid the shots that ricochet right above me.

"Shit!" I curse digging around for the blaster as the guards begin to surround me "Come on, come on."

As soon I touch my blaster I take aim and fire upon the guards, taking them down one by one until a blast scrapes my arm and I realise I'm surrounded. I sink back down onto the cockpit reassessing how the hell I'm going to get out of here when I hear the smug bastards voice and realise that just as he orchestrated my mother's downfall he's also orchestrated mine. A First Order plot.

"Hope Solo. Surrender to the Republic or we will use whatever force necessary to bring you into custody!"

I peak over the edge at the bodies lying on the concrete and swallow hard. They are already going to use whatever force necessary regardless. The only option that isn't prison is to make a run for it.

"Final chance to surrender!"

I raise my hands and sit up so they can see I'm not holding my blaster. But I don't need a blaster. Slowly I stand and he laughs darkly.

"Look at you now. The last Skywalker surrendering."

The darkness whispers in my ear and it's power courses through my veins. But it the defiance of my bloodline that keeps my head held high.

"You accuse me of being a dark side user like my grandfather, like my brother," I say looking him in the eye and I laugh darkly as he begins to feel it. "You are absolutely right."

No one notices he's clutching his throat until his lifeless body crumbles the ground and it gives me more satisfaction than I could have ever imagined.

As they fire their blasters I pull down the roof of the cockpit in a single smooth motion and watch as it reflects the blaster fire.

Before they can get any closer I start the ship and don't waste another moment before taking off.

I can't go back to Naboo after what I've done, not with the Republic after me, and I can't go home. This wasn't just an attempt to discredit me, what I witnessed was a hidden assassination attempt. To provoke me until they had no choice but to use force. If they managed to get me into a prison I know that I sure as hell wouldn't make it out alive.

So where the hell can I go now?

Then I hear his voice as I've always heard it in my nightmares.

A broken plea.

_"Join me."_


	2. TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Poe meet under inconvenient circumstances and she makes a deadly choice.

**POE**

BB8's chirping away while I'm cleaning my x-wing up after a mission when Leia runs into the hanger looking the most distressed I've ever seen her.

"General?"

"My daughter, Hope," she quakes wide eyed and pale. "I need you to get back in that ship and track her down now."

"Daughter?" I ask, having to take a moment to even recall that Leia has a daughter, I've certainly never met her. "What's going on?"

"She's taken off towards the outer rims to escape arrest, for what I can explain later, but I need you to find her before she does something else she regrets."

"General-"

"There isn't any time," she grits between her teeth and hands me a tracker. "She doesn't know it's linked to her ship. Go find her. Now."

Still confused and more than mildly alarmed I quickly jump back into my x-wing and ask "And when I find her?"

The order is simple and her voice is filled with fear I've never heard before. "Bring her back."

It sounds simple but considering she's evading arrest I doubt it'll be. "And if she doesn't want to come back?"

She swallows hard and her voice is firm. "Restrain her, knock her out, shoot her if you have to. Do whatever you need to do, just bring her back."

I've certainly never gotten orders like that before from Leia, but how hard can it be? She'd have to be young, somewhere in her twenties or possibly a teenager even, probably small in size considering Leia's height. Nothing I can't deal with. Hopefully.

But again, I doubt it will be that simple.

"I'll bring her back," I promise but before I can take off she stops me.

"Be careful," she warns and there's tears in her eyes. "She's not herself."

I heed the warning and don't waste another moment before taking off.

BB8 takes care of the tracker and I get us on course. Her ship's moving fast towards the outer rims but not as fast as mine. Even so, she's not messing around that's for sure.

But where is she actually going and what the hell could she have done that she needed to take off to escape arrest? Or even more importantly, why did Leia feel the need to give permission to use any force necessary to bring her back? And extreme force at that.

A general's daughter is always a topic of conversation amongst pilots and while I'd pretty much forgotten she even existed I've heard the rumours, a young pretty girl who has apparently never even stepped foot on the base. No one knows anything about her besides speculation. But considering the fact she's evading arrest and Leia orders, it would make sense if she wasn't allowed to join the Resistance.

What the hell am I getting myself into?

Eventually I catch up with her ship but it doesn't look like she has any intention of landing and I call out to BB8 "Hey buddy can you see if you can contact her ship."

By the time he makes contact it's clear she's noticed my ship and of all the things I expect her to say it's not "Get any closer and I will shoot you down."

Well that explains a lot.

"I'd like to see you try," I quip and she just laughs. I've never heard a laugh sound so innocent but so unhinged.

"Turn back and tell the Republic that they have no right to arrest me without charge."

Oh, she thinks I'm with the Republic. "No, I-"

"If they want to charge me with murder fine the bastard fucking deserved it but if they want to charge me with treason I'll give them a reason to charge me."

Murder? Treason? What the fuck did she do?!?!

Now I understand Leia's orders.

"I'm not with the Republic, I'm a commander in the Resistance," I tell her and hear a sharp intake of breath. "The General's sent me to bring you back."

She falls silent for a moment and when she speaks her tones changed completely, it's no longer angry but stiff, absolute. "I'm not going back. I can't."

"She also told me to use any force necessary to bring you back," I add hoping it might convince her to comply, to scare her straight. But she's just committed murder and she knows she's in deep trouble.

"She's afraid, how sweet," she comments and I scoff at the fact she genuinely takes that as a compliment. So trying to use force to persuade her will only make her cocky, I can respect that. But it makes my job more frustrating.

It looks like I'll have to try to reason with her. She's Leia's daughter after all, she has to be somewhat reasonable. I hope.

"I don't know what you did, I don't know why you killed someone but you'll be safer from the Republic with the Resistance rather than flying around aimlessly in the outer rims, because chances are the Republic already has ships out looking for you. So I'm going to ask you nicely to turn your ship around and follow me back to base."

The ship doesn't change direction and she doesn't reply. She only starts going faster.

"Look Hope, I'm going to need you to communicate alright," I say still at a loss for what's going on and mindful of the territory we're heading towards. "I don't know why you've done what you've done or even what you really did, but the General is worried about you and has given me orders to bring you back using any force I have to so I know it's serious. She's your mother and she's looking out for you. I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing you're just a kid and kids make mistakes-"

"I'm twenty I'm not a child," she says roughly and I realise I've struck a nerve. "And your General hasn't been a mother to me for a long time so she doesn't need to start now by sending someone after me like I'm just a child who's misbehaved."

"Yeah well clearly she does," I say starting to understand Leia's reaction more with every word she says "I'm guessing you two don't get along but she's still your mom, so just come back and talk it out. She wants you to come back."

"I'm sorry commander but I'm afraid you'll have to give her bad news," she says and I curse under my breath. "I'm not turning this ship around."

"Then where do you think your going?" I ask, still at a loss for what her plan is. "If you keep going this way you're going to end up in First Order territory."

The line goes silent and I remember just how desperate and shaken Leia was, that she is fleeing from the Republic for murder and treason. She just threatened to give them something to charge her for. Oh shit.

"Turn your ship around now!" I order realising where she is heading. "I don't know what the hell you're thinking but I can tell you that joining the First Order to get back at your mom is a bit extreme, you need to calm down."

"Oh fuck off,' I hear her mutter under her breath and BB8 beeps in shock. "If you want me to show you extreme, I'll show you extreme."

"No, no, please don't," I quickly backtrack, remembering that you should never, ever, tell a woman to calm down. Especially when that woman has just committed murder and possibly treason. "My bad alright. Just think this through, don't do anything stupid."

"Like shooting at least a dozen guards who were trying to arrest me for telling them truth about the First Order and using the force to murder the man who conspired to put me in prison?" she asks and I'm the one who goes quiet. "I guess she didn't tell you that huh?"

She used the force to murder someone. I swallow remembering just who Leia's father is, who this girls grandfather is. Darth Vader himself.

"Let me guess, choking?"

She huffs out a laugh and I wonder if Leia knows. Of course Leia would have to know. For her to warn me like she did she would have had to know. And I realise just what I've gotten into. She is turning to the dark side of the force and Leia is desperate to stop it. I can't let her down.

"Look, I don't know much, I know your family has a history with the dark side but you don't have to," I say struggling to find the right words. I'm no expert on the force but considering my parents were friends with Luke and Leia during the war I know more than most. "I know about Vader, but you don't have to go down that path. Look at your mother, look at Luke. Be like them, not Vader."

There's no answer so I bring my ship up so it's beside her's and look into the cockpit.

Inside sits a young woman who resembles Leia, even has the same brown hair styled in buns on either side of her head. Then I see the tears staining her cheeks.

"Come on," I coax but she doesn't look at me. "Turn your ship around, we don't even have to go back to base, just land somewhere and we can talk. Just think about this."

Then she looks at me with loose strands of hair hanging over round, tearful, brown eyes and I've never seen anyone look so tragically beautiful.

"Just let me take you home alright?" I ask and see how her eyes shut as she tries to fight it. I've never seen anyone look so conflicted and for a moment I forget what she's done. All I see is a young woman who knows that she's screwed up, who needs help. "Hope, just land and we can talk."

"I can't," she says hoarsely. "If I turn this ship around they'll kill me."

"Hope, it's alright," I try to promise her but it feels like it's in vain. "Your mom will find a way to take care of what happened, you just need to come home to her where you'll be safe."

Tears wet her cheeks and she smiles sadly. "I am going home."

Before I can reply she raises a finger up to the glass of the cockpit. "Turn your ship around and don't look back."

For a moment I'm almost compelled to until I snap out of it and look at her in bewilderment much to her disappointment. Then I realise, the force. If she can force choke someone to death then she can do a mind trick.

"Hope, you don't need to use mind tricks. You need to face what you've done so it can be fixed," I say but I can feel her slipping away. "Just land and-"

"I'm not landing this ship, if I turn back I'll never make it to the base alive" she says quietly and I've never heard someone ever sound so resigned to their own fate. "But you can give my mother a message."

"And what's that?" I ask just trying to keep her talking. I'm great at talking my way out of shit but talking other people out of shit is something I don't have much experience in, usually I'm the one being talked out of doing stupid shit. Except my stupid shit is almost getting myself killed, not this.

"That I'm going to my brother."

Brother? She sees my confusion and wears a shadow of a smile as the realisation strikes me.

The rumours about Kylo Ren, they are true.

That means she's- shit.

"This is your last chance," I warn resting my thumb over the trigger but I can't shoot without risking killing her, I need her to land so I can stun her. "Land your ship or-"

"Oh what?" she taunts raising an eyebrow at me and I realise she can see where my hand is positioned. "You'll blow it up?"

I huff and can't help how the corner of my lip twitches despite my best efforts, she really is something else. Someone I wish I could have met under different circumstances. "Come on, I'm not your enemy, the Resistance isn't your enemy. The First Order is. Whatever happened was because you told the Republic what the First Order is, because you told them the truth. Come back with me, fight for the Resistance, not the First Order. Think about this."

For just a moment her resolve breaks. "I'm not going to the First Order. I'm going to my brother."

"I'm sorry Hope but they're the same thing now," I say and her lips part and close into a painful grimace. Then her pain hardens into something far darker. What was a strikingly beautiful and dangerous woman is now something terrifying, something broken. My eyes must betray me as a single tear falls down her cheek and without warning she takes off.

Immediately I go after her but it's clear that this time I can't talk her out of it. I fire a few warning shots but it doesn't have any effect on her, she knows I can't actually hurt her, all I can do is mess the ship up enough to force her to land. Just as I get close enough to clip her she turns hard and rolls her ship so the wing collides with mine to knock me off course.

"What the fuck," I mutter trying to steady the ship and BB8 beeps in alarm "Sorry buddy."

I fire more shots that are less of a warning shot and she dodges them like it's nothing, with a smoothness that's rare. She might be many things but one thing's for sure, she's a hell of a pilot. A cocky pilot with little sense of self preservation but still a damn good one, just like myself.

Ah shit this won't end well.

With little choice left I take a risk and I fire again, the blast manages to hit the wing of her ship and I hear some very impressive cursing through the muffled intercom which BB8 continues to express disapproval over.

"I got you, now just turn your ship around and we'll find a place to land."

She can still fly it but for how long without repairs is a gamble. She definitely can't outrun me now and she'd be smart enough to know that.

"Alright, alright," she breathes heavily and I watch her turn her ship around. I let my head fall back in relief for just a moment before she asks "Commander?"

"Yeah?"

Her voice is quiet, genuine, broken. "I'm sorry."

Just as I realise that she's lied there's a flash of light and then darkness before the alarms blaring inside the ship snap me awake and I realise I must have blacked out. She fired on me.

What's left of the ship is still hurtling off into space and I'm yelling at BB8 to stabilise whatever he can while I try to get back on course but then the realisation hits me.

It's too late.

She's gone.

~

**HOPE**

My thumb still rests over the trigger and I realise I'm shaking.

I used the force to murder a man.

I choked him to death, crushed his windpipe. I felt it collapse and I liked it.

I murdered him.

I search my heart for remorse and there is none. He deserved it and I would do it again.

I wish I could say the same for the commander.

He was following orders, he wanted to help me and I killed him. For just a moment I wanted to go with him, then the darkness crept back. At the mention of my brother I could hear his voice, calling me to him. I've fought for years, I don't want to fight anymore but I never wanted anyone to get hurt. I never wanted to kill those guards, I never wanted to break my mother's heart and I never wanted to kill the commander but I have and I'll never be able to face my family, or the Republic again.

Perhaps I could have been forgiven for the guards, it was an accident with the first two, shooting another dozen was less of an accident and more desperation but using the force to choke that bastard to death- I know what they'll say. That I truly am the granddaughter of Darth Vader.

And I am.

I look at my hands which have done so much damage, taken so many lives in just the last few hours, yet there is only one I regret.

I never saw his face, only the helmet he wore which shielded most of it from me. I never truly looked him in the eye but I could feel the realisation and betrayal when I fired upon him all the same.

But it doesn't matter now. He's dead.

I've killed people before, as a body guard of a queen it's expected, but that was in the line of duty. This is murder. Yet except for the Commander I don't feel anything at all. Is this what Ben felt that night at the temple? Just nothingness.

Like him I've shown my cards, that darkness I've kept hidden and suppressed for so long has finally reached the surface. If I faced my mother all she would see is my brother. Or worse- Vader.

I don't think I'll ever be able to look her in the eye again. I can't.

A Jedi couldn't help Ben, how could my mother or anyone else possibly help me?

But there is one person who always has. Lando. Lando has always been there when my parents haven't been, hell I even lived with him for those first few months after Ben turned before they shipped me off to Naboo. Then I slam my hand down hand and curse, realising I have no idea where Lando is. Some planet in the outer reaches but I have absolutely no idea where and it's too dangerous to try to track him down with the Republic on my ass.

No. There is only one person who can help me and all I hear is his voice in my head calling me.

"I'm coming Ben."

To the only home that will welcome me with open arms, without judgement, without fear.

As I approach First Order territory I'm stopped at a checkpoint and a First Order officer examines me "What is your business here?"

I look at the officer and raise a hopeful finger, it didn't work on the Commander but it was a long shot to hope it would work over an intercom. "You will let me through."

"I will let you through," he repeats and I could almost laugh at the thought of what I could have done in the senate if I did want to abuse my powers, then again that's exactly what Palpatine did and we all know what happened there.

For a moment I hesitate knowing this is my last chance to turn back, to face my mother, but I can't. She may think I abandoned her but I know the truth, they both abandoned me the moment Ben turned and even before that I was alone.

All I ever wanted was my family. Mom, Dad, Ben, Luke, Chewie and Lando. We were a family and I loved all of them but over the years I watched it all fall apart until there was nothing left.

There is nothing left to go home to.

Tears return to my eyes and I stubbornly force them back. No. I can't be weak. I can't turn back now.

My mother can't protect me but he can. He always has.

Even if there was a home to return to, I'd never make it there alive. Not now I know the First Order wants me dead, or at the very least out of their way. And yet I'm travelling into the heart of it, to the one person who can protect me from them.

I just pray that he is still in there. That my brother is still alive.

The darkness guides me to a ship and the sheer size of it astounds me. A destroyer. I've never seen anything like it, it shocks me slightly out of the daze I've been in since I first got into this ship. Alarms start going off inside my head as a tractor beams pull me into the hanger but this moment has always been inevitable. I've seen it in visions for years, this has always been the only path I've ever seen. I can't keep running.

There's no turning back now.

Although I try to keep my face free from any signs of fear, I'm trembling as I climb from my ship and find the massive hanger completely empty.

Except for a dark, masked figure waiting for me.

My voice is little more than a frightened whisper. "Take the mask off Ben. I want to see my brother."

Silently he removes it and tears burn in my eyes at the sight of him. The face of my brother.

Something inside of me snaps and I run to my big brother, he catches me as I throw my arms around his neck and I'm crying. I'm crying so hard I can barely keep myself standing. Four years. Four fucking years.

"I knew you'd come," he says with such certainty I realise that it wasn't just the darkness drawing me here. "I always knew you'd join me."

I freeze as the gravity of what I've done finally hits me. No, no. What have I done?

"Don't be afraid," he says pulling away to look me in the eye. "I've been waiting for you. You're home now."

Home? I look past him into the hanger, the tie-fighters lining the walls strikes a new type of fear into me and only then I truly realise what the galaxy is facing.

The darkness that brought me here disappears leaving me cold and afraid and startlingly aware of what I've done, yet all I can ask myself is what have I done?

What the hell have I done?


	3. THREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Ben’s reunion isn’t quite what they were expecting. While she has to prove herself to Snoke, Poe confronts Leia.

**HOPE**

With my eyes fixed on the ships inside the hanger I shake my head and begin to step backwards towards my ship knowing that I have to go back, that I need to warn someone about this. The First Order is a greater threat than anyone, even my mother, has realised. He puts his hands on my shoulders to keep me in place and forces me to look him in the eye.

"Hope. You were always meant to come here and you know it. Don't look back now."

And I feel it again. The darkness and I know it's him doing it. I can hardly breathe as I realise that the darkness I've felt growing stronger these past years wasn't natural. It was manipulation.

"It's you," I whisper having never felt so betrayed in my life. "The visions, the darkness. It was all you."

He tilts his head at me like he's confused "No. Whatever visions you have are all your own. I only showed you the darkness, the allure of it."

"So the darkness was you," I say stiffly and he seems confused as to why I'd feel hurt. "You- you, I can't believe you."

"Hope-" he's cut off as I strike him hard across the face with an open hand and the only reaction he gives is a sarcastic. "Ow."

I raise my hand again and he catches my wrist. "Well someone still has a temper."

I go to pull my hand away but find his grip like iron.

"Let me go," I grit between my teeth and to my surprise he does.

Without another word I turn to walk away and when I'm halfway to my ship he calls out "And where do you have left to go? There's a reason you came here."

"Because you used whatever sick darkside tricks you know to bring me here!" I counter and he shakes his head.

"I know you don't want to accept it but I've never manipulated you Hope."

I laugh darkly. "Don't you dare-"

"These past years I have tried to reach out to you but never succeeded until now. I called out to you but that's all I've ever done. Whatever darkness that's haunted you wasn't me."

"You're lying-"

"Have I ever lied to you?" he asks calmly and my jaw clamps shut. "You are paranoid and don't want to accept the darkness. Stop fighting and let go."

I blink at him unable to move, unable to speak. My mind a scrambled mess of paranoia and hate and conflict. Then it hits me again, and all I see is red until the edges of my vision darken and I fall to the ground unable to breathe.

"Help me," I whisper and he's on his knees beside me, sitting me upright and trying to calm me through the force as I clutch his hand so tightly I can't feel anything else.

"I'm here," he coaxes. "You just need to let go and I'll help you."

"I don't want to turn Ben," I resist. "But I know I can't stop it. I've seen it."

His face is filled with concern, and the familiarity of the expressions pains me.

"What have you seen?" he asks carefully and I can't get the words out. "Can I see?"

Hesitantly I nod in agreement and he presses a finger to my burning temple and the images that have haunted me flash before both our eyes and I'm left trembling now that those visions are becoming a reality.

"Don't be afraid," he says running a flat hand over my hair trying to sooth me. "You aren't alone. I'll help you."

And I look him in the eye remembering that it wasn't just the darkness that brought me here. I went to the only person who would be able to help me.

"You don't know what I've done," I say thickly.

"It doesn't matter. You're home now," he says again and I wrap my arms around his neck, holding onto him just as tightly as I did when I said goodbye four years ago.

"I've missed you so much," I whisper but it doesn't feel like home. How could I ever call the First Order home? My eyes open and my wits quickly start returning when I see the arsenal they have.

"And I've missed you, you have no idea how much," he says and I pray to whatever is out there that he is still the brother I loved and not the monster that I hear he is. But then again, am I any better?

"Come on," he says helping me to my feet. "Let's go to my quarters and talk. You must be starving."

I nod silently and watch as he puts his mask back on. A mask that I know is to idolise Vader. I can't deny that it disturbs me. The only assurance I have that the man under that mask is my brother is the comforting gloved hand he keeps on my back as he guides me through the ship.

I can hardly believe my eyes as I take it all in. The sophistication of the ship itself, the weaponry, the stormtroopers. I was right. This- this is a new Empire. And the Republic has no idea.

"Impressive isn't it?" he comments and with his voice distorted through the mask I'm apprehensive. Ben would never use the word impressive to describe something like this. Ben would never want any part in this- in creating a new order. What happened to my brother who wanted to be a pilot like dad? When did he become apprentice to the man responsible for something like this?

"Impressive isn't quite the word I'd use," I reply stiffly, I won't pretend to be awestruck by it. I'm horrified.

"I understand, I was shocked when I saw it the first time as well and it's far more advanced then it was four years ago. This is the Finalizer, one of our destroyers, just wait until you see the Supremacy," he says and with each word I become less and less convinced that I am speaking to my brother. "I can sense your discomfort."

"Well it's hard not to feel discomfort when I'm walking through a heavily armed destroyer and speaking to a mask."

He is silent until we enter what must be his quarters and he removes the mask. He looks at me carefully, analytically.

"So you don't approve of the First Order?"

"My disapproval of the First Order is the reason I ended up here," I say unable to help but start to feel overwhelmed again. "I came here for my brother. Not to join the First Order."

He nods in understanding "I understand why you feel overwhelmed. When I joined it wasn't because I cared about the First Order, it was-"

"Snoke," I finish and my voice is filled with so much hate it almost shakes. "The monster who has tormented you since you were born. Your master."

His face falls and it's clear this reunion has taken a direction neither of us expected. 

"He has trained me well," he says defensively and I've struck a nerve. "Better than Luke ever did."

I look him in the eye and finally dare to ask "What happened that night Ben? Why did you turn and destroy our family? Why did you leave us? Leave me?"

He swallows and his eyes finally fill with tears as a wave of suppressed emotion washes over him. "I never wanted to leave you."

"Then why did you?"

He motions for me to sit down and I do, prepared for any horrors he reveals but he begins with "Do you remember the last time we saw each other?"

"Of course," I answer having held that memory close to my heart for these past years "After they exposed the truth about Vader I stole the Falcon and went straight to you."

The moment I landed at the temple he'd been there waiting for me, neither of us had to say a word. I just ran into his arms and stayed there. The only one who understood the conflict and shock I felt.

The two grandchildren of Darth Vader. United in the shared trauma of having a fucked up family.

"You always came to me whenever you were upset, even as a child. I was seven when you were born, I expected to hate you, to be jealous but the moment you were born I remember promising that I'd always protect you."

"And you did," I say letting tears burn in my eyes at the memories. "You always did."

"And nothing's changed," he says clasping my hand in his. "Do you think I'd ever let anyone hurt you?"

"No," I answer, clinging to that certainty. "Never."

He gives me a warm smile, as warm as he can manage at least. "The last time I saw you, you'd just turned sixteen. You haven't grown since then, still the short one."

I can't help the tearful laugh that escapes me.

"You wanted to train to be a Jedi," he continues. "Or well in your words 'a Jedi but without all the rules.'"

"And you taught me everything I knew," I reminisce fondly. "Even now I still remember everything you taught me. Do you remember when I begged Luke to be your apprentice?"

"I do," he says proudly. "I remember fighting with him about it. But he and mom and dad, they wouldn't agree. They could sense the darkness, they didn't want it to get to you but-"

"It already had," I say and he nods knowingly. "You were the only one who truly saw it. The only one who ever helped me with it, truly helped me not just shipped me off to be monitored."

"So they did ship you off," he sighs. "I didn't think they'd make the same mistake twice."

"You'd be surprised," I mutter. "Except you can't say they. I saw dad once after you turned, I'd stayed with Lando for months before Dad came and told me him and mom were separating and that I probably won't see him for a while. That was four years ago."

He shakes his head. "I wish I could say I was surprised. I'm sorry Hope."

He always wanted them to treat me better than they treated him so he always took it upon himself to do so. Until he turned.

"Then tell me why you turned?" I ask again, realising what's he's doing. "A trip down memory lane is nice but it can wait. I want to know why you turned and then we can talk about these past four years."

He struggles to find the words. "I still don't know what happened, what made him do it."

"Do what?"

He looks at me in pure confusion and then in disbelief. "You have no idea do you?"

"For months I had visions of you slaughtering students in front of a burning temple," I tell him and he looks away. "I didn't need to ask any questions."

His voice breaks. "Luke tried to murder me."

I go utterly cold and all that can be heard is my shallow breath.

When I dare to speak my voice is barely audible, unable to believe what I've just heard "What?"

"I woke up in the middle of the night, he was standing over my with his lightsaber drawn, the light from it had woken me up. He was going to murder me in my sleep."

"No-" I whisper in disbelief. "He wouldn't."

"But he did," he says and the betrayal in his eyes becomes my own. "He tried to murder me. I collapsed the roof on top of us to stop him, I thought I'd killed him. And then the temple, it was burning. I must have summoned force lightning without realising it. The students who made it out, they all thought I'd killed Luke, that I was the one who tried to murder him. And I- I did kill. I killed all of them. That night I turned. The only regret I had was leaving you."

Tears stain my cheeks and I'm at a loss for words. Luke tried to murder him. His uncle, his master, tried to murder him in his sleep.

"Tell me you had no other choice," I manage to grind out. "Tell me it was self defence."

He remains silent and I look up at him. "Whatever the truth is we can figure it out, all I've ever wanted is for you to come home." 

His eyes sadden and he shakes his head "I can't."

"Please. Come home," I plead "Leave the First Order behind, leave Snoke behind. Come home."

He looks up at me and I see him, I see my brother. I see the guilt and the shame and even the regret. "I can't go home now, and neither can you."

A painful reminder of what I've done. The crimes I've committed.

"Do you really think I didn't notice you were flying half a ship?"

"More than half," I correct still feeling guilt panging in my chest.

His voice is gentle, non judgemental as always and I can feel my brother coming to the surface. "What happened?"

"I was a senator."

"A senator?" he exclaims. "Mom would have been proud."

Then he sees how my face falls. "I haven't seen her in over a year. The only way I could have been accepted into the senate was by abandoning our families legacy, the names Skywalker, Organa, Solo. All no good now. So I took our grandmothers name. I legally became Hope Amidala. I never told her, it would have broken her heart. But I think I've done that anyways."

He knows the feeling far too well. "What did you do?"

"I went to the senate, they rejected me the moment I said my name. I had changed it but they all knew who I was, how could they not? The granddaughter of Darth Vader. They didn't just reject me they put me on trial and interrogated me. You can change your name Ben but they know the truth. It's rumours at the moment but they know who you've become and they interrogated me over it. I denied it but they knew. One bastard accused me of being a darkside user like you, every accusation they could think of they threw at me. Turns out the Empire's attitude towards Jedi is still a common one."

"Even in the First Order it is," he mutters. "But we aren't Jedi."

"Try telling that to them," I also mutter. "And my temper got the best of me, or rather the darkness. It overwhelmed me and I snapped. I basically told them that if they chose to turn a blind eye then they deserved what was coming for them and they tried to arrest me. I believe it was set up, a scheme, it was the same man who ruined our mother's career who was accusing me. I think he was a First Order sympathiser and that he did it to attack her and the Resistance and also our family."

Now he looks angry, defensive. "I don't know anything about a scheme but I can find him and get him to talk. I can get to the bottom of this."

"Too late for that," I comment and he listens as I tell him what I did. "I properly snapped. I accidentally killed some guards. Then as I was escaping I shot and killed at least half a dozen. Then the bastard came out to try to get me to surrender, so I did, then I used the force to choke him to death."

And there is is. All off my chest and in the open. His eyes widen in shock and I can't tell if he's disturbed or impressed. "You're stronger with the force than I ever thought if you can do that without having trained in years."

"I've taught myself what I can but Jedi texts are rare things these days," I say then shake my head as I feel the weight of the consequences of my actions. "They could imprison me for life. It's a miracle I even made it out of there. Mom even sent a pilot to bring me back but I killed him as well."

He doesn't pick up on the guilt, he just lets out a sharp breath that resembles a laugh and I find myself wondering just how long it's been since he laughed until he couldn't breathe or felt genuinely happy. Is this the life ahead of me? A life of no remorse?

"Well that explains the ship," he comments but I still feel uneasy and he notices. "Is it the first time you've killed someone?"

"No," I answer. "I served as a bodyguard for two years. I've killed but that was duty, they were bad people I was killing. But the thing is, it doesn't feel any different. I shot at least a dozen people and it feels like I've just shot a practice target."

"And that scares you?"

"How can I just kill people and feel nothing?" I ask him and there is no judgement in his eyes. "Or worse, when I choked him to death I liked it. The power I felt was intoxicating."

"You don't need to justify anything to me Hope and you shouldn't have to justify it to yourself. You do what you need to do to survive, and that's what you've done while getting some revenge along the way. Morality and regret are useless, it's what I've learned as a Knight of Ren. You don't need to justify what you do, you just do it."

The words feel like lies but not to me, to himself. Life would certainly be easier without morality and regret but I can see Ben still struggles as he did all those years ago. He is filled with regret and he's drowning in it.

"Except the darkness is still tearing you apart," I say as carefully as I can. "And I know this because it's torn me apart for years now."

He is the only other person alive who knows but he remains silent.

"How?" I ask wanting a genuine answer. "How did you resist it for so many years?"

"I had you," he answers and my eyes are burning once again.

"And now?" I ask very aware that neither of us are the same people we were that day we said goodbye at the temple.

"Nothing has changed," he says with such conviction I want to believe him. "You are my sister and I will always protect you, always mentor you. I want you to be my apprentice Hope, just as we planned all those years ago."

It's tempting. It truly is tempting. I'd have my brother back, I'd be trained how I always wanted to be. I would be respected and taken seriously but I don't want it to be like this. I may become Ben's apprentice but I also know who his master is.

I shake my head slowly "I love you Ben, I love my brother but I can't join the First Order. I came here for my brother, not Snoke."

"Then forget the First Order," he says and I sit more upright. "You don't have to serve it. You don't have to be a part of it. You will be my apprentice and under my authority, no one else's. I won't force you to do anything you don't agree with. You have a good heart and I don't want to change that, but I do want to teach you how to use the darkness, to become who you were always meant to be."

Alarm bells sound off knowing it's too good to be true, questioning if he can even fulfil that promise, but at the same time what other choice do I have? There isn't one.

If I return to the Republic both them and the First Order will want me gone.

But if I join Ben, as much as the idea sickens me, I will be protected. 

But at what cost?

"I want to clarify something," I say and my voice is firm. "I'm not here for Kylo Ren. I am here for Ben Solo."

He swallows as he sees something in my eyes he's never seen before. Defiance. He always knew I was stubborn but now he sees that no matter how much he wills it, I will not be Kylo Rens apprentice.

"Then when it's just us you can call me Ben, when it's just us I'll be your brother but when we are with others you have to address me as Kylo Ren, we have to act as master and apprentice, not brother and sister. You will have to at least pretend that you support the First Order, you will have to convince the high command and Snoke. You will have to lie."

I raise my eyebrows surprised he's agreed, that he would lie on my behalf to protect me from Snoke. But then again, it's Ben. He'd do anything to keep me safe.

"Well it seems those years of studying politics won't go to waste," I say remembering just how much I've lied and hidden these past years. Now this is the final test.

"In time once you earn their trust you could work your way up the ranks, a position of command, of real influence," he suggests "I've always seen your potential and the First Order is a place you can fulfil it."

Isn't that what I've always wanted? To be respected. To fulfil what I've always known I'm capable of. Despite losing my temper in the senate I know that I could be an asset to the First Order. Ben knows it as well. Except I have one condition.

"Do you promise that with me you will not be Kylo Ren, you will be my brother Ben, that's all I'm asking."

"I do," he says without hesitation and he extends his hand to me "Will you join me? Will you become my apprentice?"

I despite everything the First Order stands for, but there isn't any other choice.

"Hope?"

I look into his eyes and wonder if I came after him all those years ago could I have saved him?

I couldn't bring him home then but perhaps I can now.

"I will."

~

**POE**

After a rather long trip back to base in half an x-wing I can hardly bring myself to face Leia, dreading having to tell her what happened but when I see her it's clear she already knows.

"I'm sorry," I say hoarsely, it's very rare I come back from a failed mission. Never one like this. Not when it is the General's daughter at stake "I tried but I- I couldn't bring her back."

She nods stiffly looking disappointed, but unsurprised. "It's not your fault. My daughter is well- I'd have been shocked if you came back with her."

She knew it would be a failed mission and she sent me anyways. She was that desperate.

"I'm still sorry."

She waves her hand in dismissal but then reluctantly asks "What happened."

A lot happened. Too much to ever put into words. So I start with the ones I was given.

"She told me to give you a message," I say and she looks hesitant but nods. "She said that she was joining her brother."

She has to take a seat and it's clear that despite her best efforts to remain strong she's fighting tears. "General?"

She looks at me, at the bruises I got when the ship was hit, bruises that her daughter gave me, and asks "Did she try to kill you?"

"Yes but I'm not sure if she actually wanted to," I say still trying to make sense of what happened. I might have a not so mild concussion but will I admit it? No. "I tried to chase her down and force her to land but she sure knew what she was doing, whoever taught her to fly must have been a hell of a pilot because I don't think anyone else would even consider pulling the moves she did."

She tried to kill me, although she didn't exceed she sure nearly did. I don't know if I'm impressed or shaken by it. I'll go with both.

There's a shadow of a smile on her face, but it's a sad one. "Her father taught her. Han Solo. Quite the pilot in his day. Whenever he did something dangerous he never wanted to know the odds. She's just like him when it comes to that."

That small smile turns to a grimace as she looks me over again knowing that if I got knocked around this bad then any other pilot wouldn't have made it back at all.

"She's something alright," I say cradling the back of my head and gritting my teeth so I don't hiss at the pain. I might actually have to drag my ass to med bay after this.

"Why don't you take a seat," she suggests but I know an order when I hear one and so I sit across from her knowing this isn't going to be easy. "I owe you an explanation."

"You don't-"

"I do," she says and I fall quiet as I realise that while she feels guilty that I was almost killed, that she also needs to get something off her chest. "I had two children with my husband Han and both of them inherited that mighty Skywalker blood as Luke called it. From a young age it was clear that my son Ben had so much raw strength that I had no choice but to send him to Luke to learn to control it but in the end it was no use. Four years ago, just as I began setting up this base he turned to the darkside."

"And became Kylo Ren?" I dare to ask and she gives me a single, grave nod. So the rumours are true.

"We were always so worried about him that we never paid enough attention to Hope. Ben was seven when she was born and we could already feel the darkness in him but we held off on sending him to Luke for another few years because of how much he adored his little sister, he was always such a good brother to her. For a while it seemed like it would all be okay. Han and I truly thought that she was the last hope for our family."

Well that explains how she got her name, but I really struggle to imagine Kylo Ren as being a caring brother, as being anything other than a monster under a mask that we see in propaganda. But her, if she was so loved then what the hell happened for her to end up with so much hate for her family. For her to turn to the darkside.

"Then what happened?" I ask despite not wanting to pry, but I can't get her face out of my mind. I can't wrap my head around how such a beautiful, smart mouthed, seemingly good person had just shot over a dozen people and murdered a man Vader style. How she was in so much pain, how that brokenness turned into such hate. How she ended up so desperate that she resigned herself to the First Order.

"We felt Snoke corrupting Ben since before he was even born, we were terrified that he would try to get to her through him so eventually we sent him away. I don't think he ever forgave us for that. We convinced ourselves that we'd done the right thing but we never saw that she was just like him until it was too late. She was just sixteen when the truth about Vader was outed, she was just trying to live a normal life and suddenly that was taken from her. She stole her fathers ship and went straight to her brother. She's always been the type to run when things get hard, just like her father, except she'd always go to Ben. He might idolise Vader but she never did, yet sometimes she reminds me more of him than her brother ever has. Luke saw it before I did, I was in denial but the last time I saw him he warned me not to let the darkness corrupt her like it corrupted Ben, like it corrupted our father. I've always tried to push those fears away but now-" She pauses and shakes her head as she blinks back tears.

"I just never thought she'd actually do it, and of all things that she'd use the force to choke someone to death, even if he did deserve it. Han, Luke and I thought that by stopping her Jedi training we could prevent her from becoming powerful enough to cause any harm like Ben could. We tried not to make the same mistake twice but we did anyways. Her and Ben were inseparable, we knew that if they became master and apprentice with Snoke already corrupting him that it would end in disaster, so we took her away from him. After he turned we sent her to Naboo where she would be very heavily monitored and guided by my mothers family. I wanted to mould her into something good and I thought I had, but I don't think she ever saw it that way, she saw it as us shipping her off like we shipped her brother off. She blamed us for Ben turning and she's never forgiven us for it."

Leia knew that Hope was a danger, that if she became his apprentice then it- and now she would be. If she could choke someone to death without having been trained properly then what the hell will she be able to do with proper darkside training?

But I don't want to worry Leia anymore. She did what she thought was right, she tried to help her, but sometimes people are just bound to end up getting into trouble. Except in Hope's case it's killing a heap of people and turning to the darkside.

"Leia, kids always think the worst of their parents for trying to protect them," I say thinking of my own father. I was sixteen once, I was sixteen when I ran away from home and I can understand that resentment, but looking back I can also understand why my father was so protective of me. And it took me until I was a lot older than twenty to see that. "I know I did. And as for Hope, it's not your fault."

She gives me a small smile but there's still guilt in her eyes. "But it is. All she ever wanted was to train with her brother and then I sent her away. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I just let her become his apprentice, if it could have somehow saved them both. But it doesn't matter now what I could have done, she's gone."

Gone is definitely not the word I'd use, it's too gentle a word for what I saw, and the pounding in my head is a reminder of that.

Her brows furrow in deep thought. "Leia?"

"Unless..." she stands and looks out the window into space "When her brother turned I felt it. I haven't felt her turn. Not properly. Not yet at least."

"Not yet?" I repeat knowing I need to be honest. "I saw her Leia. The look on her face- I don't understand this Jedi stuff or the darkside, but it wasn't good. Honestly, from what I gathered I don't think she's coming back."

She is stubborn and afraid. Even if she regrets what she's done the First Order will never let her leave alive. I don't think I'll ever be seeing her again.

If I met her under different circumstances, if she had come to the Resistance then I probably would have tried to recruit her to my squadron. Who knows, I might have even wanted to take her out for a drink and get to know her, but after what I saw and what Leia's told me I'm worried of what's to come.

Two darkside users with the same possible potential as Darth Vader. It only spells further doom for the Resistance. And further pain for Leia.

"I really am sorry."

Leia doesn't look back at me, just continues looking out into the darkness of space. "I still have hope. There is still a chance she could come back, that she could bring him back."

~

**HOPE**

Ben and I are discussing our years apart in more depth when the door opens and a very uptight looking ginger man walks in and stands there perplexed at the sight of me.

He looks to my brother and sounds remarkably fed up. "Who is the girl?"

"This is my sister," Ben says sounding equally irritated with him, and I take a sip of my drink.

"So there's another one of you," he mutters bitterly and after noticing the exasperation on Ben's face I decide to break the tension and stand to introduce myself.

"Hope Solo," I greet putting on what Siya once dubbed my senator persona. Siya. Another person I'll never be able to face again. "And you are?"

"General Hux," he says, trying far too hard to look authoritarian. "This ship is under my command and I was not informed of your presence on board my ship."

I follow his glare to Ben who stands beside me and puts a proud, protective hand on my shoulder. "My sister has defected to the First Order."

"Is that so?" Hux asks suspiciously then scoffs "Are you aware that she is most likely a spy for the Resistance or the Republic?"

That would be a fair assessment if not for the circumstances. Even then, he may not be completely wrong.

"Intelligence should be able to inform you that the Republic would have a bounty on my head by now for at least a dozen murders I committed after they attempted to arrest me for treason," I tell him and I could almost laugh at how his snide face suddenly scrunches up in shock and disbelief.

"Treason?"

"You see General Hux, I was a senator until the senate decided otherwise and I came to the realisation of how weak the Republic is, and that it deserves what is coming for it. Apparently no one else has had the guts to say what I did and they didn't like hearing it so after escaping arrest I decided to come somewhere I can be an asset, rather than put on trial by incompetent pacifists."

And I know that First Order intelligence and sympathisers within the senate can tell him all of this is true. It is true. I go cold at the realisation that the words I'm saying aren't lies.

He seems very surprised, pleasantly surprised "Well you are not what I expected. Nothing like your brother."

I can feel the animosity between the two, the competition. A burning urge to prove themselves better than the other. This I can use to my advantage.

I laugh playfully "Well, while he played with a lightsaber I studied politics, governance. Served in government."

"Hmm," he says wearing a smug close lipped smile as he glances at Ben "Unlike your brother you might actually be an asset to the First Order."

I look back at my brother and already see him starting to regret telling me to lie, to even pretend to join the First Order. I give him a little shit eating grin and realise what I can do. The foundations are already set, with a little push I could turn him against the First Order. Against Snoke. It might take months but I could bring him home.

"She will be an asset," Ben affirms despite his own reservations "And my apprentice."

Hux tilts his head and squints down at me. At 5'2 I hardly look like a fighter but it's always worked to my advantage.

"She doesn't even look like she could throw a decent punch let alone become a Knight of Ren."

"I could throw a far more decent punch than you could," I assure him.

As a smugglers daughter Dad taught me how to deal with bad men at a very young age, and that included learning how to throw a decent punch, which I most certainly have done many times.

Dad's self defence lessons, the start of my love for fighting which implored me to be trained in all sorts of fighting techniques from when I was a child to when I left Naboo.

I could take Hux down easy but that might make a bad first impression so I just give a coy smile.

A short humph is the only reaction he gives and he looks at my brother "She would be more useful under my wing, but even if she does possess the capabilities to become your apprentice Leader Snoke will have to approve of this considering his policy on force sensitives."

I can feel a flicker of panic through the force that is not reassuring.

Snoke's policy is clear, it follows on from Palpatine's and has one goal; to destroy the remnants of the Jedi Order.

The last remnants are Luke, Mom, Ben and me.

The Last Skywalkers.

And I realise that if Snoke deems me unworthy of being Ben's apprentice, if he suspects my loyalties aren't to the First Order, then he'll kill me.

~

A black hood veils my face as I stand before Snoke.

"The Skywalker girl herself," he says from his throne and his voice is cruel "My apprentice has told me much about you, about your potential for greatness, yet here you stand with your face hidden, ashamed that you stand here. Unveil yourself child, let me see you."

I pull my hood back and hold my head high as I look defiantly at the grotesque figure. Something old and powerful, not a sith but certainly a master of the darkside.

"Young and pretty but defiant. Many have underestimated you and you use that to your advantage," he notes and with every word he says I continue to reassess my strategy "But you have the blood of a princess and a scoundrel in your veins. The mind of your grandmother and the spirit of your grandfather. Of Anakin Skywalker. There is much Skywalker in you girl, potential that has been overlooked since you were born."

Despite how wrong this feels the chance at finally being recognised for the potential I've always held draws me closer to the darkness.

"She is strong with the force-" Ben begins from where he stands behind me but Snoke cuts him off.

"Do you think I'm blind? She has just as much potential as you do my apprentice, perhaps even more," he says and he beckons to me "Come closer."

Ben and I exchange a look of alarm but I try not to let is show as I step forward, looking at the thing in front of me without fear. It's shorter than I expected.

"Yes, yes. There is much of your grandfather in you," he says and I wonder if he knew him or if there is something stranger at play "Luke Skywalker knew it, your mother knew it and it's why they hid you from me. Yet here you are, but not for the reasons I'd hoped for."

And he catches me off guard. All these years I thought that they just underestimated me, or ignored the potential that I knew I had, that Ben knew I had. Now I understand. After Luke failed to help Ben they didn't want to make the same mistake twice. They thought that by cutting me off from the force, from Ben, they could protect me.

"I am here to be trained in the force by my brother," I state, not revealing anything more or less. Only the truth.

"But not for the First Order," he says and I can feel Ben's panic "Which is a shame because you could be an asset."

"Then we will see," I say knowing that now is not the time to show stubbornness or defiance. He wants a fighter but also obedience.

He takes a closer look at me and I remain poised, unwavering.

"There is strength, ambition, but also hesitation, regret," he says and I don't deny it, I'm not stupid enough to try to lie to him "And light."

"Her heart has not yet turned," Ben says, intervening on my behalf, protecting me "Give her time. Let her truly feel the power of the darkside."

I feel his grip on me, on my very soul.

"Hmm. Her heart may be conflicted but unlike yours perhaps she will succumb to the darkside," he says and I realise that Snoke sees how conflicted he still is, just as I do "A girl with the power to choke a man to death in anger with such little training. She has the raw strength of your bloodline. She could in time make a powerful apprentice."

And I hear the silent threat in his words. That Ben isn't the only one with that power, that he is expendable. He wants to pit Ben and I against each other just as he's done with him and Hux. However he doesn't realise that Ben will never turn on me.

"I trained her on and off for years in secret, she has always showed considerable raw strength and a talent for combat," Ben says asserting us as a team, not as competitors "Let me take her as my apprentice and eventually as a Knight Of Ren."

"You would make her a Knight of Ren?" Snoke questions with dangerous curiosity "Then let her prove her potential. Right now. Give her your saber."

My head whips around to Ben whose turned white, knowing what awaits me while I'm left perplexed and alarmed.

"She hasn't held a lightsaber in years," Ben protests and out of the corner of my eye I catch the Preatorian guards with their hands on their weapons. Oh shit. "She isn't ready-"

"If she is as powerful and skilled as you say then surely she will be able to defend herself," Snoke dismisses "And if not then I won't have to suffer another Skywalker disappointment."

Ben opens his mouth to continue protesting when I give him a slight shake of my head.

"It's alright. I can handle myself," I say extending my hand and very reluctantly he hands me his lightsaber.

I look Snoke in the eye as I ignite it and raise the red blade. It's time to prove myself and combat is my speciality. A gun, lightsaber, blade. All the same to me.

He settles back in his chair to watch the show as not one, not two, but three preatorian guards step forward.

Ben stares at me wide eyed and afraid but I just give him a little shrug of well shit here we go and before they have a chance to draw their weapons, I attack.

Letting the force guide my aim I fling the lightsaber behind me, beheading one of the guards with the element of surprise and the saber returns to my hand just I slide to the ground to dodge a blade which swings over my head and cut the legs out the second guard out from under him in a single movement and then slice through him for good measure. In a split second my blade connects with another and I'm screaming through gritted teeth, trying to muster the strength to overpower him until I tap into something dark, something powerful and I break his attack, rolling across the floor as he strikes down hard but misses, leaving him exposed for me to run him through. The body slumps on my blade and I push it aside so it falls beside me. I wait for more to come but no more do. They're dead.

I lie with my back to the floor breathing heavily from the adrenaline and a slow applause breaks the silence.

"Now that was something," Snoke praises and Ben stands over me and extends his hand, I take it and pass him his saber as he pulls me to my feet. "I am impressed."

Ben looks at me incredulously, his lips parted in shock at what I'm capable of, he'd seen me with a lightsaber when I was sixteen but hadn't seen the result of the years of training in combat and martial arts, until now.

"I'm a fighter," I say, knowing in my heart that it's what I'm meant to do. Politics, piloting, are all interests of mine and I'm good at them, but fighting with a weapon in my hand is what's always made me feel most alive.

"Indeed you are," he acknowledges looking at the bodies before me "But you still have much to learn."

Ben steps forward "Will you allow me to take her as my apprentice?"

Snoke pauses as he examines me closely, so closely I can feel him probing at my mind but I don't show my discomfort. Ben looks back at me and realised what's happening and then that I'm resisting it.

Snoke pulls back and decides "I will allow you to take her as your apprentice."

After all these years I will be trained properly. It may not be in the ways or the Jedi or even the Sith, but I will be trained. Now I've tasted that power I want more, I want to see what I am capable of. Just how powerful I can become without succumbing completely. Just how far into the darkness I can wade.

"Thank you," Ben breathes and bows his head in respect, submission "Thank you Supreme Leader."

"But she will not be known as Hope Solo or even as Hope Skywalker," he declares "By my command her name shall not be uttered within the First Order. Just as you have she will take on a new name."

The dark hood I wore falls back over my face and a sharp breath escapes me. "I name you... Vayra. Under my apprentices training you will earn the title of Ren, and someday if you are worthy you shall be named alongside your brother as heir to Darth Vader. The legacy of an old empire and the instrument of a new order."

My breath is suddenly very shallow "Thank you Supreme Leader."

"But remember that while my apprentice may be your master, ultimately you are under my command," Snoke warns and I shoot a look at Ben who is unable to meet my eye.

He may not have lied but now I realise that he would have never been able to keep his promise to me, that I'd never truly be subject to the First Order. But it is too late to turn back now.

"My brother and the First Order are one and the same," I realise, remembering the Commanders warning to me, a warning I so quickly and stupidly dismissed in my desperation for a brother who is the property of a monster.

"And now," Snoke says, his voice a cruel, possessive growl "So are you, young Skywalker."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, there’s more Poe next chapter


	4. FOUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past repeats itself as Hope discovers the suffering of darkside as Anakin Skywalker once did.  
> Meanwhile Poe can’t forget the past and watches with Leia as Hope finally becomes a Knight of Ren after paying the price for power.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning for the chapter; the aftermath of a suicide attempt which is non graphic, and semi-graphic torture which includes beating and oxygen deprivation.

**FOUR MONTHS LATER**

**HOPE**   
  


I lay broken beneath the stars in the rubble that I made of my ship.

Each shallow breath doesn't feel real, as if I'm already dead.

I should be dead.

The oxygen doesn't reach my lungs and my heart- if it still beats there is no will left in it to fight.

_Do not hesitate! Show no mercy!_

The images flash through my mind, their wide eyes looking at me to save them as I had once before. Then their pleas to spare them when they realised their fate. When they realised I couldn't save them.

That I had to kill them.

_No, no, no please!_

_What did we do?_

As the light dims, darker visions flash before my eyes of moments unseen to me but now so terribly familiar.

_Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What are we going to do?_

The saber that breaks through the darkness was not always red. It was once blue. Tainted with the blood of innocents as mine has been.

A chorus of two voices crying out.

_What have I done?_

My vision begins to go dark. Just as I resign myself to my fate bright searing lights shine down upon me and I wonder if Hux got to me first.

If I'll be executed for the dozens of bodies I left in my wake to be free.

Except I'll never be free.

I'm a prisoner.

A little deadly thing kept on a chain for Snoke's use.

Except this time I failed him.

_You weak child. Anakin Skywalker wasn't this weak! He killed them without protest but you- you have failed me. You are as weak as your brother. You serve no further use to me._

It is my brother who leans over me with a look of horror on his pale face.

"What did you do?" he quakes but I don't answer. I can't answer.

He knows what I've done and why I've done it.

He failed me.

He brought me here.

He lured me into a prison with the promise of freedom.

All I see his him standing there masked while for the first time in my life, I truly begged.

_Ben please. Don't make me do this. Stop this please. You promised, you promised I wouldn't have to do this. They're just children! Don't make me a monster. Please!_

But he will never betray his master. Not even for me.

And as my eyes meet his he finally sees what I've become. What he allowed Snoke to create.

_I can't live with what I've done! What Snoke made me do! No, no no! What have I done?_

_Hope. Calm down._

_You promised you'd protect me!_

He clasps my hand in his and a tear falls down onto it while I only stare at him numbly, remembering his words.

_Let the past die. Kill it if you have to._

So I did.

Slowly my breath turns white from the cold as he transfers his own life force to me. To keep me alive.

"Give into it Hope. It's the only way to stop the pain. Give into the darkness, it's the only thing that can save you now. Let go of the light."

My voice is a broken whisper.

"There's no light left."

Darkness fills my lungs with every breath until there is nothing left. There is finally peace.

Until blindingly bright lights fill my vision and I hear their voices.

"She should be executed!" Hux growls "She disobeyed orders from Snoke then went on a killing spree! Not to mention that she stole a ship to try to off her self before I could get my hands on her!"

"No. Snoke wants her alive."

"Only because they tested her midichlorian count, which was that high it couldn't be bloody counted. Then he raved on about that old chosen one prophecy and that she could become even more powerful than Vader. But there is one little issue, she hasn't turned!"

"But she has," Ben says thickly. "There's no light left in her."

"Look at her, she might as well have died in that crash. We both know Snoke has some sick fixation on her fulfilling Vader's legacy, he believes that she is the chosen one now."

"She can't be. He was the chosen one because he was conceived by the force alone but she has a father," Ben dismisses but it almost sounds like he doubts his own words. "Snoke just believes that she is the one who is meant to fulfil it, that she is the only Skywalker powerful enough to. Which is why we've made sure she is with us and not the Resistance."

"It doesn't matter if she's with us or against us. She is too dangerous, we need to have her executed."

"No," he immediately objects.

Hux lowers his voice. "If she has truly turned he will take her as his apprentice and cast you aside."

"Then so be it," Ben decides. "I will not allow her to be executed."

"Your attachment to her makes you weak. She may be your sister but she is your enemy. She will take everything from you. She will be the death of you."

"She will not be executed," he repeats firmly. "I am making her a Knight of Ren."

Hux mutters under his breath and I hear a door slam. My eyes open to see Ben standing there raking his hand through his black hair. He looks back at me and is shocked to see me awake.

"You heard?" he gulps.

"Thank you," I whisper however it feels more like well trained courtesy than gratitude. "Thank you Ben."

He sits down beside me and clasps my hand. "I don't care if I have to kill Hux myself. I won't let him execute you."

My voice is pure ice. "And Snoke?"

That's when he pauses. "I'll do whatever I can to keep you safe."

That's still not a promise.

I am at the mercy of a monster, a monster who wants to turn me into the next Vader.

If the darkness that runs through my veins makes me a monster as well then so be it, but I will not be Snoke's monster.

If he wants me to become Vader then I will.

And he will regret it.

"I killed all those Stormtroopers," I murmur. "That won't go unpunished."

"It won't," Ben agreed quietly. "But as long as you cooperate it will be fine."

No thoughts come to my mind, only the primal urge to kill. To show them what I've become.

That silence between us grows into unease and Ben gulps "Hope, what are you thinking?"

"Nothing."

"What are you feeling?"

I search for an answer and there is only one.

"Nothing."

He shrinks back in his chair as I pull the tubes and monitors from my body and stand in the hospital gown, feeling the chill of the floor on my bare feet.

And I reach into that darkness and breathe it in like oxygen, letting it fill that void inside me.

It is intoxicating.

I turn my head to my brother who keeps a careful hand on the lightsaber at his hip.

Before either of us can do anything the door opens and Hux followed by a squadron of storm troopers stands at the entrance.

"I am taking you into custody to await judgement from Leader Snoke."

I stand there unarmed and unarmoured, facing a general and stormtroopers, and don't even blink.

"Lay a hand on me and I will kill every single one of them."

Hux just scoffs and orders his troopers "Take her."

And so the first trooper that approaches I lift into the air and watch blankly as he claws at his throat before falling dead to the ground.

Hux stands there with his blaster drawn on me while the troopers have moved away from the entrance.

"Hope," Ben warns from behind me while Hux's usually carefully veiled frustration turns into something unhinged.

"I could execute you here and now!"

"But you can't," I say and that's when a sick grin comes to my face "But I could kill you in an instant."

That's when the lightsaber is torn from my brothers hip and into my hand.

"Hope, don't-"

Ben's throat tightens as I freeze him in place and he chokes on his words. The apprentice overpowers the master.

Hux begins to back away and I give a single warning.

"Run."

~

Ben and Hux followed by the Knights of Ren, minus one, bring me before Snoke's hologram and I wear a victorious smirk.

"In the span of just days she has committed two seperate massacres including the murder of a Knight of Ren," Hux tells Snoke "I don't even know how many troopers she killed before we were able to subdue her."

"We?" I scoff knowing he didn't do anything and I jolt as I'm shocked through the electric cuffs that restrain me.

"Don't," Ben warns me with a timid glance "And Hux, she is my apprentice. Let me handle this."

"No," I refuse and I look up at the hologram of Snoke grinning "Go on big brother, tell your leader exactly what I did."

"She-"

"I know what she did," Snoke interrupts harshly and while he flinches I stand tall.

Unashamed.

Hux steps forward and shoots me a murderous look at the proud smirk I wear. "As General I advise that she is executed for her treason against the first order."

"No-" Ben protests before Snoke makes them both fall silent by making them choke on their words.

"You've turned," Snoke notes as he looks upon me. "I can feel it."

"Do you know what I feel?" I ask him. "Nothing."

He leans closer to observe me. "Ah but there is still defiance in your eyes."

I have the blood of a princess and a scoundrel in my veins, defiance is in my blood.

Defiance that will shake the stars.

"My brother may be yours, he may bow to you and serve your every whim but I will not. I will never bow before you," I say strongly, knowing now how strongly I am one with the force. "I am more powerful than you could ever be."

They all look at me, gaping at the words that would be considered blasphemy if they weren't true.

The strength of my bloodline makes it so.

Snoke is deadly silent before deciding "I am not going to execute you. You, young Skywalker, are fulfilling the potential Anakin Skywalker never could. But this defiance must end."

"Supreme Leader!" Hux exclaims in disbelief that I am still breathing. "She is too dangerous, she-"

"She is dangerous and untamed," Snoke acknowledges. "Which is why if she disobeys orders again you have permission to discipline her how you see fit since her master won't."

I scoff at the suggestion before my throat tightens. "Do not make the mistake of thinking you are indispensable. There are two Skywalkers standing here."

"But only one of me," I choke hoarsely and I overpower his grip on me to hold my head high in defiance. "I am not afraid to die and I know you can't kill me. You believe I am the chosen one, the one who will become what Anakin Skywalker never could. So if you want your rabid cur to beat me into submission then go ahead and try, I will not bow before you. You're weak, you-"

My throat tightens again until I'm choking on my words and pushed to my knees. The raw anger empowering the darkness inside of him.

He holds me there as he instructs Hux. "You heard her, beat her into submission."

"Supreme Leader!" Ben protests before the rest of his words are smothered but I can see the pleading look he gives Hux.

Hux actually stammers as he looks at me "Supreme Leader, I believe there would be a better course of discipline-"

"You're weak. You've always been weak," Snoke chides him and I can feel deep wounds within the General coming open. "Beat her. Surely your father taught you how it's done."

A look of horror crosses Hux's face and the images that surface within the darkest parts of his memory are unknowingly projected before me. A little bastard boy who only wanted to be worth something to a father who hated him.

"Supreme Leader," Ben repeats again and his voice shakes. "Let us handle her. Please. You don't need to do this."

"Not until you all prove your loyalty," Snoke says looking at the three of us. "You all know not to disobey orders."

We all exchange glances and there are shadows in each of our eyes. A darkness that was not born, but created.

Hux pulls out a baton and I can feel the electricity coursing through it. He of all people looks apologetic.

I look to the Knights of Ren guarding the exit, the only ones who could subdue me. Even then not all of them escaped me alive.

Ben became a Knight by killing their leader, it seems there is a vacancy to fill now. A position I was promised the moment Ben took me as his apprentice.

But at what cost?

He promised to protect me, promised I would never have to serve Snoke. That I would be under his command alone.

"Hope."

I look to my brother whose eyes are begging me for forgiveness knowing he can't stop this and my voice is bitter but unsurprised.

"You lied."

It's then the first blow comes. The shock of it causes a scream to be torn from my throat as my still broken ribs crack under the force.

"Again."

"Snoke-" Ben protests but he's cut off by the scream I try to muffle through gritted teeth as the next blow lands. "Please, she will submit!She will become a Knight of Ren."

My next scream is silent as the shocks that coarse through me cause my vision to darken and Hux's hand stills in panic.

"I want to hear it from her. I want her to bow before the First Order!" Snoke commands "Only then will she follow in the steps of Vader."

Vader knelt to the Emperor, for years he served until he turned on his master.

And so will I.

Shakily I stand, swallowing my pride. 

Now is not the time to fight. Now is the time to become a new Vader.

To become powerful enough to overthrow the First Order.

To kill them all.

"I submit."

Snoke smiles and it's the most disturbing thing I've ever seen.

~

I wake in the morning, aching, to my door being opened and in my weary state I look for Ben but it's the Knights of Ren who stand there.

"Where's my brother?"

They don't answer and then I'm kicking against their iron grasps as I'm dragged away by my hands and feet. Screaming and fighting tooth and nail but it's not enough.

It's then I'm taken before Hux who looks at me as if I'm no more than a feral beast who needs to be broken into submission.

"I have orders from Snoke to ensure your submission."

"Where's my brother!" I yell and from the look he gives me I know it's far away from here.

"Somewhere he can't save you."

My blood goes absolutely cold as I'm forced into an interrogation chair, fighting until the moment the shackles lock around my wrist. 

One knight steps forward. "You murdered one of our brothers, and now Kylo Ren wants to make you one of us."

"Didn't he murder your leader?" I question knowing how my brother came to lead them. "He proved himself."

"And now it's time for you to prove yourself," he says stepping closer and I can feel the darkness, hear the screams for mercy, and he waves his war club in front of my face. "My name is Ushar. I want you to remember that when you're begging for mercy."

It's then I realise that my brother is their leader in name only. He can't save me.

"I'll remember it when I strike you down," I promise knowing the strength of the darkness within me. "Do your worst."

~

"Is she dead?"

"No."

"Was she beaten into submission."

"I believe so General Hux."

"Good, now we best get her into a bacta tank before Ren returns."

My vision fades in and out as I'm dragged into a room with searing white light.

I feel my outer layers being stripped off and devices fitted to me for submersion. A hard slap across my face causes my eyes to open and I look directly at Hux.

"Ren will know nothing about this," he says and his hand comes to wrap tightly around my throat. "Or you will know what the First Order truly does to those who defy orders."

"Go to hell," I breathe and his grip around my throat tightens.

"I'm tired of you wasting oxygen, I don't see why we need to waste anymore on you," he says as the nurse applies an oxygen mask. "Lower the oxygen level just enough so that she stays alive. I want her to be conscious."

"Conscious?" the nurse questions.

"Yes, I want her to be awake so she can reflect on what she's done," he says and the reality of what he's asking doesn't hit me until there's a sharp jab in my arm.

"What the fuck!" I yell as I try to pull myself free but I can't.

"That should keep you awake."

My legs kick the air as I'm hoisted up and I'm screaming in protest as I'm submerged into the bacta, only for it to be muffled by the oxygen mask.

Except it's not on.

I start pounding on the glass but Hux only watches in satisfaction as panic truly hits me.

I try to scream but there's no air in my empty lungs, until the last moment and they give me just enough to breathe, but enough to at the same time leave me gasping for it.

"If she starts turning blue turn it up," Hux simply instructs the nurse who obediently nods.

"How long will she be submerged?"

He looks me directly in the eye. "Until there's no fight left in her."

~

I stand on a stage before the First Order. Thousands upon thousands of stormtroopers stand in formation, with the high command watching from the sides of the stage as I'm brought into their ranks.

I look out at the thousands of eyes on me and I know what they see. They see what Hux wants them to see. What Snoke wants me to be.

A dark princess, a symbol of the First Order.

Propaganda.

A show of power.

The power of the First Order, who've taken all the power I had and left me hollow, which is why the few wounds I still I wear with pride.

Wounds that show that I fought until the bitter end.

And I still fight.

Whatever guilt or apologies Hux had over the beating disappeared the moment he ordered the Knights of Ren to torture me, when he tortured me by making me struggle for air for what could have been hours, or days, without respite.

Despite his objection to beating me due to whatever trauma he has from his childhood, he had no reluctance when it came to other methods of torture.

And he still wants me dead.

He gives me a simple order. "Kneel."

I turn to face my brother who stands there masked and I kneel before him. I kneel before the brother who holds no power and now I realise how broken the First Order has left him. How over the years he slowly submitted fully to Snoke.

Except Snoke didn't have that patience with me.

"You kneel as an apprentice, and you shall rise as Vayra Ren, a Knight of Ren."

My face is expressionless as I stand and accept the lightsaber he extends to me. A lightsaber I've crafted with a blade as red as his.

I can't see him through that mask but I know he is proud of how far I've come in my training. But his pride means almost nothing to me anymore.

While he is Snoke's slave, he is not my brother.

My brother died that night at the temple and he knows his sister died in that crash.

Ben steps forward so he is by my side and I take his hand as one last show of defiance.

The last Skywalkers.

For just a moment I feel her through the force and know that wherever she is ,she is watching. That my mother is watching her children together again, but on the wrong side of this war.

It's then Hux steps forward and announces "Under the orders of Supreme Leader Snoke, Vayra Ren shall hunt down the last Jedi Luke Skywalker and in killing him bring an end to the Jedi order!"

For just a moment I'm caught off guard before I set my jaw and stop any sign of shock from crossing my face. I knew Ben was hunting down Luke but I never had any part in it, until now.

Now that responsibility falls on me alone. Through the force I can tell I'm not the only one who's blindsided, Ben had no idea.

Hux looks back at me and I see the spite in his eyes. He knows that by making this a public spectacle, and making me the hunter, that I'll be dammed in the eyes of the Resistance, in my mother's eyes.

He is making sure that if I try to run I'll have no where to go.

My brother has a burning hatred for Luke, one that I share since discovering the truth, and I want to bring him to justice. To make him look us all in the eye and admit to what he's done, to tell us why.

To tell his sister what he tried to do to her son.

Except now she believes I'm hunting down an innocent man. When I find him I will expose what he's done. I will serve justice.

The Jedi were corrupt.  
The Republic is corrupt.  
The First Order is corrupt.

All deserve the same fate, for the truth to be exposed.

Snoke, Luke, Hux, the Senate.

They will all get what they deserve and I will be the one to give it to them.

They'll see what they've created.  
  
  
~  
  
  


**POE**   
  


I've already started talking about the next mission when I walk into Leia's office and she raises a single finger to shut me up. I clamp my jaw shut wondering if I've blown anything up I shouldn't have lately and then I see she's occupied.

On her desk is a hologram. From a quick look it's clear it's First Order propaganda but upon closer inspection it's different to the usual manifestos.

Leia flinches as we hear a mans voice.

"You shall rise as Vayra Ren, a Knight of Ren."

A hooded figure clad in black stands and accepts a metal object. The figure turns back around and although the hood shields most of her face, painted red lips stand out in vivid contrast to her pale skin. I've never heard of a female Knight of Ren.

"Who's that?" I ask and she's never been so pale, I forget formalities "Leia?"

Her voice is a pained, hesitant sigh.

"Hope."

I gape at the screen in disbelief. She tilts her chin up and the billowing hood falls away just enough that her face is shadowed but visible. It's her.

After months I thought I'd forget her face but I haven't. I can't.

After months of hearing nothing about her aside from the charges of murder, treason and terrorism that the Republic's put out against her, I'd assumed she was dead and hadn't dared ask Leia about my suspicions.

I thought I'd forget that failed mission but here she is.

Her lips are painted a dark red, the only bit of colour on her, and her big, brown eyes have never looked so sharp, purposefully accentuated by dramatic black makeup. Her face also looks more contoured, more structured than I remember. Older, as if she's aged years in months. Then I see a cut on her cheek and bruises, that she purposefully mustn't have covered, considering the work she's put into the rest of her face.

If Leia hadn't told me her name it would have taken me a moment to even recognise it was her with the thick makeup she wears to distract from what's underneath. And I realise that's the whole purpose of it, to hide who she truly is without wearing a helmet like her brother does.

The ginger general looks quite pleased with himself when he looks at her, while her glare is nothing but venom, and I realise why she doesn't wear a mask. They want to dress her up and put her on display, some sort of symbolic princess and she certainly looks the part. Clad in black with a long skirt and cape billowing in the wind, and a cropped top that looks more like armour with the shoulder guards she wears. Upon closer inspection I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually armour considering her new status as a Knight of Ren.

She looks the part, hauntingly beautiful and regal, but intimidating. The lightsaber in her hand is a further reminder of that.

Then we watch the First Order bow to her and the room suddenly feels cold.

"This- this is worse than anything I'd feared," Leia whispers. "I knew she'd become his apprentice but I never imagined this."

I watch her closely, her eyes aren't those of any First Order officer. Upon close inspection, they aren't filled with pride at the scene below her, just pure nothingness.

I remember the last time I saw her, the pain and conflict that was in her eyes. Now there is nothing. 

It leaves me the most disturbed I've ever been.

Kylo Ren comes to stand beside her and she looks tiny beside him, even in the heeled boots she wears, without them she'd have to be almost a whole foot shorter. Yet with the way she holds herself she stands taller than he ever could.

He relies on a mask to intimidate but she doesn't need a mask. All she needs is that look in her eyes, a look that's a weapon itself.

Anger and hate can strike fear into someone, but there's nothing like the pure nothingness in her's, as if she could kill someone and wouldn't even blink. So different from the eyes filled with such raw emotion I looked into six months ago.

Now she looks almost soulless.

And I realise that the First Order killed whatever was left of her.

She takes Kylo Ren's gloved hand in her's and holds her head high, almost looking defiant as she does so. Then the ginger General steps forward. 

My eyes are on her as he announces "Under the orders of Supreme Leader Snoke, Vayra Ren shall hunt down the last Jedi Luke Skywalker and in killing him bring an end to the Jedi order!"

There's a brief look of shock on her face as if she's been blindsided, but it disappears just as quickly as it came and her face is once again stone. She looks at her brother briefly until the General turns back around and looks at her, and there is true darkness in her eyes.

Then the hologram cuts out.

The room is utterly silent and Leia looks at me with lips parted in shock and eyes filled with disbelief, as if to ask if she heard him right, that her daughter is going to kill her brother.

"Leia, I'm so sorry."

She just shakes her head sadly and lifts her chin up, looking as strong as ever, but her voice is hoarse.

"I thought she would come back but I was wrong. She doesn't follow her brothers orders, she follows Snoke's. He hasn't revealed their identities yet but when he decides to attack the Republic he will, what better way to get support from ex-Imperials than with the grandchildren of Vader."

I still can't believe the daughter of two rebels could end up where she is. I truly can't.

"I don't know what to say."

She's quiet for a moment as well before telling me "Vader wanted Luke and I to join him. We never did because we had each other but all she has now is her brother. For years he's tried to live up to Vader's legacy but her, there's a reason we kept her hidden. She never tried to be anyone, never tried to live up to a legacy. She tried to abandon the Skywalker name and legacy all together before she turned. He wears a mask to present himself as a new Vader but she doesn't. She's always wanted to make a name for herself that is her own and that's what she's doing."

"Well she's definitely making a name for herself," I comment. Kylo Ren's name is known throughout the galaxy and soon her's will be as well.

"She's powerful Poe. I can feel it," she says quietly. "I haven't seen what she's capable of but I can feel it in my bones. We need to find Luke before it's too late."

My squadron started looking after she turned, but we are far from finding him. It feels like we're on a wild goose chase trying to find him, but now the clock's ticking.

"I'll find him," I promise her, but I can't ignore the feeling in my gut knowing I'm not the only one hunting him down. Knowing exactly who else is.

It looks like her and I might just cross paths again after all.


	5. FIVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Poe reunite in an encounter neither of them could have predicted.

**THREE** **MONTHS LATER**

**HOPE**   
  


My squadron follows closely as I tear through space in my tie-fighter after another dead end. I prefer going alone but Hux insists I have company, probably to make sure I don't go rogue.

We've managed to track Luke's location to an old explorer, Lor San Tekka. But the old bastard's just as hard to find as Luke. It's just another wild goose chase and it doesn't help that I've got the Resistance on my tail. Then suddenly one of my lieutenants is shot down and I realise that this time they are literally on my tail, not just metaphorically.

"Shit," I curse looking back to find a squadron of them and I realise it's the squadron. According to intelligence they're the Resistances best pilots who've been tasked with finding Luke before I do. I've managed to evade them, until now.

Another ship is shot down, and I realise that while they may be Hux's spies they aren't good pilots.

"Ren, orders!" One cries out through the intercoms but I don't respond. Instead I shut it off completely. The Resistance isn't the enemy I want to get rid of, it's my own pilots. Hux's spies.

And so as they continue fire on us I don't fire back. They can destroy my squadron for me, and I'll keep evading them instead of attacking like I've done for months.

Except they don't have the same idea.

The last of my squadron's hit and the Resistance turns their attention to me.

Not good.

Let's see, do I fight four of the Resistances best pilots or do I shake them?

Then as I swerve sharply to dodge some shots a little too close for my liking, my mind's made up.

Shake them it is.

And so I violently flip my ship off coarse and dive straight into an asteroid field.

I may not be able to fight them all off but I can outmanoeuvre them. Surely they can't be crazy enough to follow me through here.

Except one is. An x-wing.

For just a moment the sight of it throws me back to a moment that happened almost a year ago now. Something that seems like a lifetime ago and perhaps it was. The one murder that's stayed with me all this time unless... no. He's dead.

And so is the girl that killed him.  
  
  
  
~  
  
  


**POE**   
  


It's her. It has to be.

No one else would be crazy to go into an asteroid field.

But why the hell is she running and not fighting? I know she's certainly capable of it, the dents in my ship are proof of that.

We've heard the stories that have emerged about her these past few months.

She's a weapon. Lightsaber, blaster, tie-fighter, her bare hands, the force itself. It doesn't matter.

She is a killer.

She's made a name for herself just as she always wanted. Some call her the First Orders princess and apprentice of Kylo Ren, others call her Snoke's personal mercenary, we've even heard reports of her acting as an assassin for him. Kylo Rens position is simple enough being Snoke's apprentice and an occasional commander, but it seems they've put her to other uses. Even Leia's having a hard time trying to figure out what's true and what's not.

In the end all I care about is finding Luke before she does. We've been trying to track her down for months. We expected a fight, not this.

It's time for answers.

And so I stop firing on her. I pull one of her own tricks and let her think she's won as she expertly manoeuvres through the asteroid field, and once she's lured into a false sense of security she takes the first chance she can get to dive out of the field.

I take a moment to fall back just enough that I'm out of sight before I follow. My finger rests over the trigger to fire and I hesitate, what if it isn't her? What if she isn't even on this mission and just lets subordinates do the dirty work like the rest of them? They said she would lead the hunt but that doesn't always mean being out in the field.

But what if it is her in that ship? It's been almost a year since I failed to bring her back and months of searching for her. After all this time what if it is her? Somehow the thought of facing her terrifies me even more than the idea of another failed mission.

I can't kill her, she is Leia's daughter.

A fact no one else in the Resistance knows, which is why I'm glad she got away from my squadron, why I ordered them to head back to base before I followed her into that asteroid field.

I need to do this. I need to face her.

She slows down to a steady speed thinking she's won and after a moment of initial hesitation I charge forward, setting my sights on the wing of the ship I fire. The blast hits the wing of her ship and I hold my breath as she spirals down into the atmosphere of some unpopulated moon.

I follow not knowing what I'll find when I land.

Will it even be her or just be some random lieutenants?

And if I do find her, what the hell do I do then?

Will she even recognise me?

And if she does, will she kill me?

Is this the stupidest thing I've ever done? Or can I do what I couldn't do all those months ago.

Can I bring her home?

Or is that frightened girl on the run gone? Is the dark, soulless figure in the propaganda all that's left?  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
  


**HOPE**   
  


When I regain consciousness I find myself lying in a smoking shipwreck shrouded in darkness.

For just a moment in the low light I'm brought back to that night months ago and then blinding lights shine down on me and again I'm wondering who's found me first. My brother or Hux?

Then I manage to make out the outline of the ship above me, that's no tie-fighter or First Order ship.

It's an x-wing. The x-wing that shot me down, here to finish me off.

Shit.

I go to reach for my blaster and instead end up screaming through gritted teeth at the pain that tears through my entire right side. Somethings definitely broken, I'll bet on a couple ribs.

I abandon the search for my blaster which is likely stuck between debris anyways, and look at the console in front of me which is too fried to send for backup. From one look at my ship I know it's fucked. There's no way this thing is going to even start up again, let alone fly.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice the x-wing landing and curse again. With my squadron dead I don't have any backup, and I can't exactly fight off a Resistance squadron with a lightsaber. Right now there's only one, the other pilots are likely finding a way around that asteroid field. Either way if they're still airborne they stand between me and the base.

I muster up what strength I can to keep those ribs in place, and pull myself out of the destroyed tie-fighter only to fall down onto the hard ground.

My head rolls to see the pilot on his feet removing his helmet. I clutch my side as I try to stand tall, despite the blinding pain that darkens my vision, and the moment I'm on my feet there's a flash of silver that has me throwing my hands up in the air "Wait, wait! Please don't shoot!"

He can't legally shoot while I'm surrendering. I could kill him in a heartbeat and steal his ship but then his squadron would no doubt shoot me down.

He doesn't lower his blaster but I'm far from afraid of it. I take a moment to take a proper look at him and I'm surprised by how young he is. An old, seasoned pilot I might not have been able to fool but a young, handsome flyboy is someone I can charm.

The moment I even put weight on my foot to step forward he shouts "Don't move!"

"I'm sorry, please just don't shoot!" I cry out and realising that the helmet I still wear muffles my voice I pull it off, letting my braided hair fall over my shoulder and with a visibly shaking hand brush away the loose strands that fall over my bare face.

Right now I don't look like Vayra Ren, just any ordinary pilot. He'll be less inclined to shoot me if he knows it's a young woman he's threatening. I make my voice as innocent as possible and by a miracle manage to muster tears. "Please don't kill me, I'm already hurt. Please just help me. That's what the Resistance does right, help people? Please."

Cautiously, I step closer and the hand holding the blaster wavers as he tries to take a closer look at me and I let those tears spill over onto my cheeks and even manage a choked sob.

I know how I look to him.  
A young, distraught, injured woman.  
Any decent man would take pity.

"Please, help me get away from the First Order," I plead. "I'm a prisoner there. Please just help me before they find me."

Then as I step forward he yells at me again not to move and the concentration I've put on keeping myself standing breaks and I realise it's not just my upper body that's injured as my knee gives out from under my and I fall forward only for him to catch me in his arms.

I try to swallow involuntary cries of pain and he whispers "Hey, hey, you're alright. I've got you."

With one arm wrapped around me, the only thing holding me up off the ground, he shifts so he's cradling the back of my head and the touch is foreign to me.

Any chance I had of concentrating enough to focus the force on healing my ribs disappears as my eyes meet his, eyes which are as dark and conflicted as my own must me.

Dark curls fall over his eyes and he exhales sharply as he examines my face, his thumb brushes over my cheek and I hiss in pain realising that it must be cut. There's remorse in his eyes, true concern, something I haven't seen in a long time. And for just a moment I'm lost under his touch, an aching, starved heart with no identity and as infinite as the galaxy itself. For just a moment finally free.

Until my hand comes to wrap around the back of his neck for stability and brushes against the orange fabric of his flight suit which stands out in vivid contrast to the almost identical black one I wear, except there is one greater difference.

The insignia's we wear.

As my eyes focus on the Resistance patch I hear his voice so clearly in my mind I have to check that his lips aren't moving.

' _Even when you were with the First Order you protected the Resistance.'_

_And then my own voice, warm and sincere._

' _You weren't my enemy. The First Order was, and they still are. I always knew deep down where my loyalties truly were even if I was reluctant to admit it.'_

My breathing's shallow as I snap out of whatever vision I'd fallen into and my eyes return to his.

What the hell was that?

But I know what it was. A vision.

Just as there is a flicker of light, the darkness returns to snuff it, out but it's too late to unhear what I heard.

I look at this man, a man who I will meet again. Somehow we both leave here alive.

Regardless of the timing or meaning of that vision, one thing is true. He is not my enemy.

Which is why I need to get him to leave before my brother arrives here.

"Please don't hurt me I'm already hurt," I whisper knowing that part's certainly not an exaggeration. "I don't want any part in this. My commander will kill me if she knows I didn't try to kill you, so please, please let me go and leave before it's too late."

Then I feel the cold barrel of the blaster pressing against the side of my head and it sends ice running through my veins. "That's interesting considering you were the one commanding that squadron Ren."

Without another choice I drop the facade and before he can even consider what to do next my saber is at his throat. "I could kill you in an instant."

He swallows hard as the heat radiates so close to his throat I know it's almost prickling his skin by the way he tries to subtly squirm away from it, but even so his eyes meet mine unafraid. Defiant.

"If you were gonna kill me you would have done it by now."

I just laugh at the fact he truly thinks I wouldn't hurt him. I won't kill him but I can't let him think he's safe while he's holding a blaster to my head. "I haven't ruled it out."

"And neither have I." He presses the barrel harder against the side of my head to the point of discomfort but I'm just as unafraid as he is. "And it's not like you can run away this time."

This time?

My eyes flick to the x-wing and back to him. The Commanders face was hidden by a helmet but I remember the stubble on his lower face, the cockiness of his voice and the how he chased me with such determination until I turned on him.

Until I fired on him and took off at the sound of the impact. I never looked back to see if the ship had exploded completely, I only assumed he was dead when I wasn't followed.

But only one pilot would be crazy enough to follow me through an asteroid field and skilled enough to survive it, to chase me down with just as much determination as he did all those months ago.

A man I thought I murdered.

He sees the recognition in my eyes and the hand holding the blaster begins to waver.

"Drop the lightsaber Hope."

I draw an involuntarily sharp breathe at the name I haven't heard come out of anyone's mouth other than my brothers in almost a year. And I realise that the last person besides Ben or Snoke who ever said it was him.

" _I'm not going to the First Order. I'm going to my brother."_

_"I'm sorry Hope, but they're the same thing now."_

The day I was foolish enough to believe I'd be coming home.

The day I let the darkness take hold.

The day I let it ruin me.

The day I let it make me a prisoner.

"Hope. Drop the-"

I muster enough of that darkness to throw him backwards with such force we both hit the ground.

He's cursing under his breath while I'm screaming between gritted teeth at the searing pain of the impact. I didn't think that one through. With a significant amount of effort I find my footing and by the time my eyes again meet his we're both standing with our respective weapons drawn on each other.

He's breathing heavily as he stands straighter and remarks "So you prefer Vayra now then?"

The sly, lazy grin that he wears manages to get on nerves I didn't even know I had and that's exactly what he wants. He's got balls, I'll give him that.

"I'm genuinely curious, do you have any regard for your own life or any sense of self preservation at all?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he laughs then his voice turns serious, accusatory. "Shooting up a senate and joining the First Order isn't typically something a person with a sense of self preservation does."

"Neither is chasing someone through an asteroid field."

"And neither is being the person to dive into an asteroid field in the first place."

"Hmph. Well you've got me there," I admit, unsure of why I'm stalling, or what I'm even stalling for. Perhaps it's been that long since I've talked to someone who isn't trying to achieve galactic domination that talking to a man with a blaster aimed at my head is pleasant. And even though I know it in my gut I still have to be completely certain that it's him. "Who the hell are you?"

"Poe Dameron," he answers and the lights of his ship illuminate his face. It's a pretty face fit for a flyboy, he might have more balls and skills than the average one but even so, he still looks more like a flyboy than a commander to me. So what's so special about him?

"My mother must trust you tremendously if she's entrusted you with finding Luke."

"She also entrusted me with bringing her daughter home," he says and any cockiness and sarcasm disappears from his voice. The unsteadiness of his hand and the look in his eyes stirs something in me. "I failed."

"So it was you," I breathe finally having that verbal confirmation and I don't expect the relief that comes with it. "I didn't kill you after all."

"No but you tried," he says, the sarcasm returning to his voice as he looks past me to my ship. "Looks like we're even now."

I laugh a little at the truth in it and then there's silence. With weapons aimed at each other it feels like we're locked in a stalemate with neither of us willing to attack or retreat.

My eyes settle on my saber and a chill runs through me as I remember who is on their way. Command would have reported that my ship was destroyed and it's last known location. Ben is on his way and this commander doesn't seem to have any intention of leaving, so I might as well learn what I can.

"Commander Poe Dameron," I say memorising the name, the name of the man leading the Resistances hunt for Luke.

"That's me," he says proudly and I pick up on the arrogance in his voice, typical flyboy.

"You look rather young for a commander," I note, he looks like he's in his late twenties but with his rank and the number of years he'd have to have served in the Resistance to be assigned this mission he'd likely be about thirty. Either way I certainly don't mind the sight and I take the chance to throw him off guard. "Rather handsome for one as well."

That comment certainly has the desired effect with him raking his fingers through his dark hair and turning his face away to hide the grin he struggles to suppress and I just laugh. "Aww don't be shy. It's just you and me here."

He shakes his head at me and he can't hide the amusement in his grin. "You know, I wondered when I'd be running into you again."

I raise a curious eyebrow. "Am I what you expected?"

"Oh you are never what I expect," he laughs to himself and observes "You look a bit more beat up than I thought you'd be."

"That happens when you get shot and crash but I suppose that's something you can understand."

"You aren't wrong there," he admits looking back at his ship which has it's fair share of dents.

"And you being alive is something which I certainly didn't expect," I reply trying to match his level of sarcasm but I'm unable to stop the guilt and the relief that creeps out of the darkest place in my heart. "I never saw your face."

"And I could never forget yours," he says quietly and I wonder if I've haunted him just as much as he's haunted me.

"Must be fate," I comment sarcastically but part of me can't help but wonder. "I'm surprised that you actually hit me this time."

"I wasn't going to fall for a false surrender again or give you the chance to pull another trick like that."

"Ah so you're smarter than the average good guy," I quip. "But not that smart if you're threatening a Knight of Ren."

It's only then I realise that at some point our respective weapons ended up hanging by our sides, no longer aimed at each other.

He raises an eyebrow as he looks at the red saber by my side. "Is it all you thought it would be? Being a Knight of Ren, your brothers apprentice? Is the First Order really worth it?"

My jaw clenches and I swallow hard knowing the answer, but if I ever dared speak it I know what would happen to me. "I made my choice."

"The wrong one," he says as if he can see right through all the bullshit and perhaps he can. "So are you going to come with me or are we going to have a repeat of last time?"

I look at his ship, at the Resistance symbol and I want to. More than anything I want to get in that ship with him and run away but I can't. I can't go home after everything I've done. I can't leave my brother.

Then that vision plays through my head again except clearer, I don't just hear it I see it. I see his face so clearly and the look in his eyes truly does stir something in me. Something that is right there if only I were willing to reach out and grab it, but I can't. Not yet.

"My brother will be on his way here," I say remembering why I stay. I stay for him. Because despite the distance between us ever since that night Snoke forced me to murder those children, I love him. I can't abandon him. And I can't leave like this. I can't just run away like a coward. I've got to fight. To channel all the chaos within me to create as much destruction as I possibly can. To attack the First Order from within. But the only excuse I can give is. "And I don't think both of us would fit in that tiny cockpit of yours."

He scoffs as he looks back, looking like he has a few ideas. "That's a shit excuse."

"Careful," I warn, starting to calculate the time it will take Ben. "Don't get too cocky."

It's clear I'm not the only one growing impatient. We're both dancing around each other in a duel with no clear ending, one that seems unwinnable.

"Or what, you'll kill me?" he asks getting straight to the point and I watch his fingers readjust themselves around the blaster. "Or are you waiting for permission from Snoke to do it?"

I scoff at the audacity. "I don't need his permission."

"Ah but it's his orders you follow."

"I am a Knight of Ren, I don't take orders from anyone except my brother."

"Really?" he questions and I feel my jaw tensing up as he steps closer. "So you aren't his personal mercenary? Because I'm sure after consulting intelligence I could come up with a long list of names that you'd recognise. A list of people who are dead, cut down with a lightsaber or choked to death I'd imagine."

A chill runs down my spine, they know. The Resistance knows. Of course they do, I'd be an idiot to think my mother wouldn't be keeping tabs on me. And him, we're both on the same mission, of course he'd do his research on me.

"I prefer a blaster to the head," I simply reply. "It's cleaner."

Cleaner than having to chase down people with a saber while they're running away pleading for their lives.

"And you still follow his orders," he mutters under his breath in disbelief.

"You don't disobey orders from Snoke," I say stiffly, knowing the price far too well.

"Even when you're ordered to hunt down and murder your own uncle," he accuses and I hear the disgust in his voice. "You looked pretty surprised in that bit of propaganda. I saw when you were made a Knight of Ren, when the First Order bowed to you like their little princess. You've certainly made a name for yourself haven't you?"

The patronising tone leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because everything he's saying is justified, but he still has no idea. He doesn't know what I was forced to do to survive.

"You don't know anything," I say, my voice very quickly becoming cruel. "Luke deserves it and here you are revering him as a hero just like the rest of them. That's what you aspire to be isn't it? A hero. Oh I know what you're thinking, that if you bring back the legendary hero Luke Skywalker from exile you'll be one as well. That my mother will put a nice shiny medal around your neck and everyone will cheer for you and drink toasts to your heroism. Don't be an idiot. You're just a flyboy meddling in things you could never understand."

He visibly flinches, I can almost feel him aggressively trying to beat back the emotion that threatens to cross his face and I know I hit him right where it hurts. He shakes his head at me with his lips pressed together in a hard line, for a moment trying not to say anything until deciding otherwise.

"You- how could you possibly say anything about being a hero? You are a murderer. A murderer and a fascist that is trying to destroy everything our parents fought for. We're both children of the Rebellion, except clearly one of us can remember what life was like when the Empire was still around because it's starting to look a whole lot like what the First Orders doing which you clearly can't see!"

"I might be a murderer but I am not a fascist!" I snap although someone like him would see little distinction between the two. My hand tightens around the hilt of my saber and now it's just a question as to who'll attack first. "And what our parents fought for was corrupted a long time ago. I was in fucking politics! I've seen the corruption in the Republic, I've seen the First Order! Don't you dare try to tell me what I can and can't see because I know both better than you ever could!"

"Really? Then why don't you enlighten me then!" he yells drawing his blaster on me. "If you've seen it all then how the hell can you think that the First Order's better than the Republic!"

"I don't!" I half scream, resisting the urge to throw my fucking lightsaber at him then his eyes widen in alarm and we both turn our weapons to a middle aged man in a First Order flightsuit, who after a moment of brief horror I recognise as one of my lieutenants, with his blaster drawn on us. He must have survived the attack.

There's no way in hell he didn't just hear me, and he's one of Hux's spies.

Shit.

"Lady Ren, you're alive." He seems disappointed and then asks "Why isn't the rebel dead?"

"I have this situation under control lieutenant," I grit between my teeth. "Now return to base."

"No. I don't think I will. And General Hux would disagree with your statement considering all you've done the past five minutes is talk when you are more than capable of choking him to death."

"I have this under control," I repeat curtly.

"Step aside Lady Ren so I can take the rebel into custody."

I don't move and briefly meet Poe's eye before I raise my lightsaber up towards the lieutenant.

"Are you questioning my authority?"

"I'm questioning your loyalty," he says boldly. "Considering what I just heard come out of that pretty little mouth of yours is treason."

I catch Poe adjusting his grip on his blaster so his finger hovers over the trigger and I look at the lieutenant.

"I could execute you right now and no one would dare question my reasons."

"Hux will," he says stepping closer. "Do you really think you have any power? Any actual authority? You are just as stupid as your brother, you can hold laser swords and do Snoke's killing for him but that's all you're good for. All you'll ever be good for."

I can feel Poe's eyes on me as I harden my jaw and feel that anger burn until it turns into pure darkness. Into strength.

"On your knees," I order and he moves his blaster from Poe to me.

"No. I'm taking you both into custody so Hux can finally have you executed."

His threats don't scare me. I could cut his head clean off before he could even lay a hand on me.

"And Snoke would kill him for it," I counter knowing that Hux is under orders not to hold me to account as he would with other officers.

"Not if we are able to prove you're a Rebel sympathiser," he says and my eyes again meet Poe's and I hear his words again so clearly, but it's my own confession that leaves me torn.

_I always knew deep down where my loyalties truly were even if I was reluctant to admit it._

"And how would you prove that?" I ask theoretically while he's going on his rant so I know what they actually have on me.

"The logs on your ship will prove you never fired a single shot and here you are conversing with a Rebel, admitting to believing the Republic is superior and possibly trading intel on Luke Skywalker."

"You're right," I say casually and look over to Poe. "Commander, are you just as frustrated with finding that old bastard as I am?"

He catches on quickly. "Definitely."

"Have you managed to trace the location of the map to Lor San Tekka but have no idea where he is either?"

"Yep."

I turn back to the lieutenant with a smug smirk. "See there, he knows just as much as I do. Actually you can consider that an interrogation which is well within my authority."

He just scoffs. "Then shoot him and be done with it or I'll call in backup to take him into a real interrogation. Because you only serve a purpose while you follow orders, and unfortunately you've been lacking recently. It's been months and you've found nothing on Skywalker, it won't be long before you are disposable."

Disposable.

The word strikes a new sort of fear into me.

I know I'm safe as long as I'm not disposable, but once I am then I'm in danger. If Snoke decides I no longer serve a purpose or that I can't fulfil what he wants I'm done.

"But why do you think I've been stalling?" I ask trying to scope the area as best as I can to ensure there aren't any other spies hidden waiting to catch me off guard, and also looking him over for any recording devices. "My brother will already be on his way and I have the Rebel right here to take into custody on my authority! Not yours lieutenant."

I don't have to look at Poe to be able to feel how his whole body tenses.

' _Even when you were with the First Order you protected the Resistance.'_

While my heart is still conflicted, torn between a deep knowing and reason, my loyalties are not.

The Resistance isn't my enemy. Poe isn't my enemy.

This man standing in front of me is.

And so is Luke.

"Very well then," he says stiffly. "Just let me inform Hux of your plan then Lady Ren, and we can take both you and the Rebel into interrogation."

He lifts his up his intercom and then quite literally chokes on his words. Nothing's ever sounded quite so satisfying.

"I did warn you," is all I say before he falls dead to the ground.

I turn back to the commander and find myself the one who's caught off guard as his blaster is once again drawn on me. He looks betrayed but unsurprised.

"So that's your plan," he huffs shaking his head. "Stall until your brother can come and grab me."

"My plan is to find Luke before you can," I say knowing I can't keep postponing it. I can't keep running from conflict. I can't keep evading the Resistance in the hopes I'll never have to fire on them. If I want to survive I need to find something. I need to give Snoke something or Hux might just be able to prove his little theory.

Poe won't be killed for failing a mission, but I could be.

"Like I said. I'm just as lost as you are," he says but I shake my head. There has to be something. Something my mother has told him that will make sense to me. A name or location or just something.

Hux is looking for any excuse to expose me as a traitor, I need to be indispensable and right now I'm perfectly disposable.

"Give me your blaster," I order but he doesn't lower it, so I use the force to tear it from his hand into mine and shoot the lieutenant in the head so it looks like he did it and not me. He flinches at the sound but doesn't even blink when I pull it on him.

He just drawls "You gonna kill me or are you gonna wait for your brother to come and do your dirty work for you?"

"No one does my dirty work for me," I say knowing my hands are likely bloodier than Ben's at this point. He watches as I throw the blaster aside and the moment he goes to grab it I simply freeze him in place, the moment he realises he can't move I watch the alarm fill his eyes despite his best efforts to remain fearless. But he should be afraid.

I step closer until I'm almost touching him and watch that little lump on his throat jump as he swallows hard.

I don't want to hurt him but I need to see what he knows. I don't have a choice. But I don't want to torture him, I don't want to hurt him.

"Don't be afraid," I whisper reaching up to stroke back a dark curl that's fallen over his forehead and I realise I can't remember how long it's been since I've touched someone like this. "I'm not going to hurt you as long as you don't resist."

"How the hell am I meant to resist? I can't fucking move!" he grits between his teeth as the panic begins to set in and I realise this won't be easy. He's far too stubborn.

"Shhh," I hush running my fingers through his hair and cupping his cheek, trying my best to calm him through the force but it's hard to concentrate with the still searing pain in my side.

The darkness is terrific for fighting but for things that require a lighter touch and discipline- not so much.

He won't settle, if he just lets me in then I won't have to hurt him. I don't want to do this, but to stay ahead of the Resistance enough to avoid a firefight I have to. I run my thumb over the stubble on his cheek trying to calm him and he just asks "Are you going to kiss me or torture me?"

The corner of my lip turns up. "You're brave Commander, I'll give you that."

"It's not too late you know," he says and his words make me press my eyes shut to fend off the light, the weakness.

"But it is," I say and without wasting I moment I enter his mind. He jolts against the touch which would be so foreign to him and I try to be gentle. I don't tear his mind apart, I stroke it trying to ease him into letting me get what I'm looking for. Then just as I touch the wall protecting his memories visions come rushing out so intensely I can't stop them, can't control them.

It's all a blur until there is one clear image.

_A short woman stands with her back to him, fingers combing through long, dark hair and then adjusting a silver chain around her neck. I can't see her face, only the jacket she wears with a sewn on Resistance patch on the sleeve. For a moment I wonder if she's a girlfriend or someone special to him, and his hand comes to rest on her shoulder. She turns to face him and his eyes focus on her lips which curl upwards into a warm smile, then his eyes flick up to hers and I violently recoil from the vision as I find myself staring directly into eyes that are my own._

A wave of emotions unlike anything I've ever felt causes me to stumble backwards as if I've been shot and I can barely breathe as my heart squeezes so tightly I genuinely fear it may give out.

What the hell was that?

But I can't even draw the strength to dare think of it. Once the flaring pain in my side subsides and I've composed myself, I dare to look at him.

If he saw what I just saw I cannot tell for certain, but he's just as bewildered as I am.

I should have seen something about Luke or even my mother, not an actual vision. Unless it wasn't, unless it was some strange dream. But as for the emotions-

Before either of us can say a word I feel it. My brother is close. If he gets his hands on Poe he'll torture him and kill him.

I don't want his blood on my hands.

I grab the side of his face and try to compel him "You are going to give my mother a message."

"I don't have to do anything," he growls defiantly and I realise he might be one of the few people who is too fucking stubborn for Jedi mind tricks.

But it's the hostility in his voice that suddenly makes me reel a little, I search his eyes and although he's certainly pissed he isn't hurt. I only touched the edge of that wall, I didn't get a chance to do any damage but even so, the thought suddenly makes me sick.

I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to be his enemy. I don't want to use torture to get what I need.

I don't want to hurt anyone.

"I'm choosing to believe that you've told me everything you know about Luke ,which is next to nothing," I say, desperate to get him out of here before I or Ben can hurt him. "Now you are going to tell my mother that the reason I'm hunting Luke, the reason my brother turned in the first place was because he tried to murder him in his sleep. That Luke Skywalker, the legendary hero, tried to murder his own nephew!"

He's rendered speechless and his eyes fall to the ground. I release him from the hold I put him in and step away, shaking slightly from finally getting those words off my chest. He exhales sharply but is too shocked to move.

My voice is quiet. "Go."

He nods and steps closer until our bodies are almost touching and bends down to pick up his blaster which rests at my feet. He stands straight and takes a look into my eyes as if he's searching for something, but whatever it is it isn't there.

He turns to leave but I press a finger against his cheek and turn his face back so his eyes meet mine.

"I advise you to give up this search."

"Or what?" he asks and his voice is void of any sarcasm or anything playful. Just bitterness.

So I match it by tilting my chin up so my eyes look directly into his. "I won't have any choice but to kill you."

Our eyes stay locked and he knows it's not an empty threat. Despite what I've seen, I know that visions aren't always fulfilled, aren't always a true representation of the future. It could very well be as likely to happen as a dream.

I might not want to kill him but if I ever see him again I'll have little choice in the matter.

"And would you feel anything if you did?" he asks and the question pricks a nerve that's remained dormant inside of me for so long that I didn't think it could ever be awakened but here we are. And it fucking hurts.

He raises a taunting eyebrow but I don't let myself fall for the bait.

"No," I answer dragging my finger down his cheek to his neck where my fingers brush the base of it and I feel him swallow. "Like you said, I'm just Snoke's little mercenary."

He leans down even closer .causing my eyes flutter shut and his voice is rough as he whispers in my ear "Because you choose to be."

His stubble brushes against my cheek and the touch has me pressing my lips together to try to remain some form of composure.

"We all make our choices," I say knowing that I've made mine and I have to live with them. It's either that or death.

Unless- unless it isn't.

I pull away just enough that my lips are almost brushing against his "Now are you waiting for a goodbye kiss Commander, or are you going to leave before I have no choice but to kill you?"

He gives me a sly, challenging grin, but behind the facade is something almost bittersweet. "I'd say next time but if I see you again I don't think both of us will be walking away alive."

Something in my gut tells me otherwise. "We'll see."

Without another word he turns his back on me to leave and I'm at a loss for what the hell just happened but I can't ignore the pounding in my chest. It's as if after these past months my heart's finally started beating again and I can feel it pumping hot blood through my veins, igniting a fire in my lungs as I struggle to steady my breath. A fire I thought was gone.

I feel alive.

Just as he goes to take off his eyes meet mine one last time and we both know that no matter how badly we want it to be, this is not goodbye.


	6. SEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe struggles to process their encounter while Hope questions her position in the First Order.

**POE**

She let me go.

She let me live.

How the hell am I meant to explain what just happened to Leia when I don't even know what just happened.

"Poe," I hear Snap call through the coms "Where are you? Did you get her? Was it Vayra Ren?"

They don't know who she really is, Leia wants me to keep it quiet and I will, but how could I possibly explain that interaction to them? How could I explain why she let me go.

"I- I don't know. Whoever it was got away," I stammer despite my best efforts. "I'm on my way back to base."

For months I've been wondering when I'd see her again, prepared for a firefight or to be cut down with a lightsaber. I was prepared for anything but that.

I've met some interesting women over the years to say the least but none of them even begin to compare to her.

And I really don't think that's a good thing.

My mind runs over what just happened trying to make sense of it, make sense of her.

But I can't.

I can't even begin to comprehend her motives, or what was going on in her head.

She is violent, conflicting and most of all unpredictable.

And perhaps that's what has me so messed up over this. People are predictable, usually some shade of black or white.

Except she is every single shade of grey that exists.

At first I wasn't sure if it was her, the last I saw her was in that propaganda looking like some dark princess. When she climbed out of that ship barefaced and in a flight suit she looked like any other pilot. She knew that and used that to her advantage. She knew where to hit me, how to manipulate me. Even after I recognised her she still looked like a young woman who was injured, crying out for help and for a moment I forget just what she's capable of and I believed it.

For a moment I truly believed that she wanted me to get her away from the First Order. That she would come back with me to the Resistance.

Unless...

Her. In the Resistance jacket.

I don't know what I saw, what she saw, but I know it was the last thing either of us expected.

And perhaps that's why I'm shaking.

The force, visions, the future. They're all things I know are real but I've never experienced until now.

If what I saw is real- if there is even a chance.

I need to tell Leia.

**HOPE**

My eyes open to bright lights and for once they don't blind me. I go to reach up towards it and find my arm weighed down by tubing attached to it, my eyes follow the tubing to several moniters and I realise I'm in the infirmary.

Again.

My head turns to the side and Ben sits beside me with his mask off and nervous hands clasped together.

My body aches as I try to sit up but I'm too exhausted to fight so for once I give into the pain and fall back against the pillow and groan "What happened?"

"One of those rebel scum shot you down," he spits and my heart stops as it all comes back to me "You were passed out when we found you but your squadron is dead. One of your lieutenants was with you and was shot. Chances are he pulled you from the wreckage and when the rebels came they thought you were dead and shot him instead."

Well that's a convenient story. One that would make sense as well if it wasn't complete bullshit. After the commander left my memory os a little hazy but turns out using the force to keep one side of your rib cage together and to be conscious at all can drain a person pretty easily so I assume I just passed out.

My eyes move past Ben and I finally notice Hux standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Someone might take a little convincing still.

"Oh no," I gasp deciding to go along with my supposed memory loss "Which one?"

"The old one," Ben answers not knowing his name either, just that he was some old bastard wanting to bring back the glory of the empire.

"Oh gosh, he was an ex-Imperial," I exclaim in false shock, feeling a little funny as I have to try to suppress laughter. "That's such a shame."

Hux just scoffs "You don't actually believe this do you Ren?"

"Of course I do. She was attacked," Ben retorts defensively, always the protective big brother, especially if it involves pissing off Hux.

"I'm sorry General Hux but I truly don't remember anything," I insist and perhaps it would be better if I didn't. My eyes start becoming sensitive to the light and I turn my head away squinting, then I see just what I'm connected to. Not just monitors but they're pumping something into me and I don't like it. "I- I think I have a concussion."

"She shot him Ren!" Hux snaps but I maintain innocence knowing that Hux is just waiting to frame me as a traitor and rebel sympathiser. The Imperial certainly thought he had me cornered.

"The head wound doesn't match her blaster which was still stuck in the wreck when I found her," Ben argues and I'm glad I had the foresight to use Poe's blaster. "It was a rebel who shot her down and killed the lieutenant."

"Please, don't fight," I whine feeling the effect of whatever type of painkillers they're pumping into me starting to go to my head. "My head still aches and you're loud."

"You." Hux curses "Are a lying little-"

Ben cuts him off by tightening his throat and I wear a pleased smile at the shocked look on that shrewd, pasty little face of his.

"You can't-"

"I can," Ben says coldly "Now leave us."

Hux looks right at me and I raise a cocky eyebrow to go with the pleaser smile on my face and he is fuming. However when he looks hack at Ben he quickly swallows his pride and straightens himself up before storming out of the infirmary.

With the drugs in my system I can't help the giggle that escapes me but it's very quickly cut off when Ben glares at me unamused.

"What the hell did you do?"

I have to stifle a laugh "Take a guess."

He drags a hand over his face already looking fed up with me. Similar to how Luke used to react to him.

He takes a long look at me then reluctantly asks "You shot your lieutenant didn't you?"

He may have believed the little story he made up in his head, until I opened my mouth at least, but he still went along with it in front of Hux for my sake. Now he needs the truth.

I keep a straight face as I tell him "No, I force choked him to death and then I used the rebels blaster to shoot him."

He looks like he might just combust. "Hope!"

I just roll my eyes. "He was an asshole."

"Everyone on this ship is an asshole but that doesn't mean you can just kill whoever you like!"

"Why not? You do!"

He presses his lips together in a hard line and shakes his finger at the door "If I could kill whoever I liked Hux would be dead!"

"Well he's a General, I just killed a shitty lieutenant whose only purpose on my squadron was to be Hux's little spy!" I grit between my teeth and his eyes widen as if he didn't know this. And I realise that he didn't. I lower my voice "He threatened me Ben. He didn't even try to hide it, he wasn't even afraid. He pretty much admitted to conspiring with Hux to have me executed for being a rebel sympathiser because he caught me red handed and thought he could just bring me into Snoke on a nice little leash. So I handled it."

He goes a shade paler and his voice deepens "What do you mean caught you red handed?"

I swallow realising what I'd let slip and I wonder if they're injecting me with this particular drug for a reason. Hux knows I mouth off, he's just waiting for me to slip up. I rip the tubes feeding me from my wrist and hit the machine beside me with my good arm to make the beeping stop.

"I just said a few questionable things," I dismiss but there's a look in his eye I can't ignore.

"I'm your brother Hope. I've known you your entire life, you can't lie to me," he says quietly and I realise he's hurt. I've always confided in him. Until now. "I saw the X-wing leaving."

My heart skips a beat.

"Did you shoot it down?" I ask trying to mask the concern in my voice with curiosity but he sees through it.

"You'll be glad to know I didn't," he mutters and the hostility in his voice makes me flinch "So what did you do? How did you end up shooting your own lieutenant with a rebels blaster?"

"I was able to pull myself from the wreckage, and when the rebel got too close I pulled it out of his hand, then the Lieutenant came and I shot him."

I haven't even had a moment to even begin to comprehend what happened but that's the simplest version I can tell without lying.

Even so, he knows there's more to the story.

"And how was he alive to escape?"

I can feel the stubble brushing my cheek as we said goodbye with threats attached. How that mere touch, how his voice made me feel more alive than I've ever been.

How I wished so badly to leave with him, to go home, but I couldn't. I can't. I can't go home and expect to be just forgiven for what I've done.

I can't face her.

No matter what I saw.

"I let him go."

He just looks at me in bewilderment "Why?"

That vision flickers before my eyes again. Me with him, wearing a Resistance jacket.

Ben's eyes widen and for I moment I'm afraid I accidentally projected the vision but he's looking past me to a nurse who's entered and upon seeing us just as quickly leaves.

I scan the room for bugs as best as I can while in a hospital bed and I can't feel anyone standing close enough to that door to be within hearing distance.

I've lied for so long. I'm sick of lying.

My brother is the only person here I can trust and if I don't get it off my chest I might just go mad.

"Because he isn't my enemy," I whisper remembering the symbol on his flight vest. "The Resistance isn't my enemy."

His eyes widen in disbelief and for a moment he's lost for words "The Resistance is our enemy."

"Yours. Not mine," I confess and at this point I truly don't care if I get dragged into the throne room on an actual leash "Hux is my enemy. Snoke is my enemy."

"Don't say that," he hushes harshly as if Smoke can hear us but I'm not that paranoid. I'm not terrified like my brother is.

"It's true," I say defiantly and Ben looks at me like I'm a stranger.

Then his eyes darken.

"What did the rebel say to you?"

"Just the truth."

He scoffs. "And what's that?"

"That we all make our choices," I say quietly. That it's not too late.

"Then why didn't you kill him?"

I could have so easily, but I didn't. I could give him a million reasons but it comes down to one simple truth.

I didn't want to.

Yet there's something else, an attraction to him I certainly can't ignore. I mean physically that is one extremely handsome man but as much as I don't want to admit it I know it runs deeper than that.

He got to me in a way no one else has ever managed, he'a forced me to see what's always been right in front of me.

"I realised that him and I are two soldiers on the same mission. Except if he comes back with nothing he won't be punished. If he disobeys orders the worst that will happen is demotion. If I failed a mission I'd be punished. If I disobeyed orders I'd be killed," I say thickly and he looks away "Why would I choose to support the First Order over the Resistance when it is that simple."

Whatever conflict that was in his eyes hardens into darkness. "It's not that simple and what you just said is treason."

"I don't care anymore," I laugh darkly yet I can hear the raw emotion behind it "What are you gonna do? Tell Snoke and watch him torture me to death?"

"What the hell did that rebel say to you?" he asks again.

"The truth," I repeat knowing that I have the heart of a rebel, that is something I can never change. "He asked me to leave with him."

I can see the fear in his eyes, the fear that he could so easily be alone again if I left. A fear I saw in my brothers eyes when I was taken from the temple that one last time.

"Why didn't you?"

My heart aches, something it hasn't done since the crash. There is some light left after all.

"Because I love my brother," I say taking his hand but it's no longer that simple.

It never will be again.

**HOPE**

The moment I land on base Leia is standing there with her arms crossed over her chest waiting for me.

"General," I greet nervously not even knowing where to begin, unable to even meet her eye.

"You saw her?"

She always knows.

"More than that," I say quietly and her eyebrows furrow in confusion "I- you might want to sit down for this."

And so we go to her office and take a seat. My knees bounce up and down while my sweaty hands are clasped together.

She pours us both a drink before asking "What happened Poe?"

I don't even know where to start. I truly don't.

"I chased her through an asteroid field," is what I begin with and from the look on her face I know she wants to smack me in the head for doing something so stupid and I realise I probably should have left that out. Too late now "Then I shot her down and went to where she crashed."

Her eyebrows shoot up and she asks "Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she's alright," I assure her. She might have been injured but she can still fight that's for sure. "She- I'm sorry that much happened that I really don't know where to begin."

She nods understandingly. "It's alright, take your time."

"She never fired on me, not once." Is what comes out next "She-"

I drag a hand over my face and through my hair trying to come up with words but I can't. I remember the drink she poured and easily down half of it in one go, thankful that it's the strong stuff.

I decide to go with what's most relevant to the mission.

"She knows just as much as we do about Luke," I start but that's still not completely true. The hate that was in her eyes when she told me why her brother turned couldn't be faked. I look at Leia and wonder if she knows. "She's looking for Lor San Tekka but has no clue either."

"You spoke to her?" she exclaims.

"Well, that's one way of putting it," I say scratching my neck, feeling where the lightsaber was and then where her fingers brushed the base of my neck.

"What is she like?" Leia asks, for the first time actually sounding nervous. "How far gone is she?"

"She- she's strong. Physically and with the force. With the dark side. She was commanding a squadron but abandoned them when we came. That's when I went after her. When she climbed out of her ship she was injured, pretending to be just a pilot forced to be in the First Order. The moment she knew that I knew who she was she had a lightsaber at my throat. I said her name and she snapped. Flung me backwards like it was nothing. I confronted her about the First Order thinking she was going to kill me anyways."

"And?"

"She might be part of the Order but she's not one of them," I say with certainty, with hope. "I think she wanted to come back with me but she wouldn't."

She sighs heavily. "She doesn't want to leave her brother."

And I wonder if behind that heartless exterior, if everything she's done is because she loves her brother. I know that's the reason she joined them, but is that the only reason she stays?

"An officer in her command must have she dived the attack. When he found her she's just admitted to hating the Republic, but not as much as the First Order. He had his blaster drawn on both of us and for just a moment I thought she was on our side, until she said she was just stalling until her brother came. I don't know if that's true or not but Leia - I watched her force choke him to death like it was nothing. I mean fair enough but the way she did it-"

"I know," she says quietly and I realise I'm shaking. I'm shaking at what I haven't said. "How did you escape?"

"She let me go," I say quietly. "I don't know why."

But as I say those words the images flash before me, the touches I can still feel, the words that still echo in my ears.

A connection.

A connection I could never begin to explain.

"There's still light in her," Leia says but I only feel conflicted.

"Can I-"

"Yes Poe you can go," she grants. "It's been a long day. Deliver a mission report to me when you have your thoughts together."

A mission report, one that will likely have a significant amount omitted.

"Thank you General."

Before I leave she calls out my name. "Poe."

I look back at her and her face is grim, but there is still hope in her eyes.

"You know that it won't be the last time you two meet on the field."

"I know," I sigh heavily “And I won't be walking away alive next time."

But her words still echo through my mind.

_‘We’ll see.’_

That night I'm sitting on the edge of my bed with BB8 at my feet.

"I'm alright buddy," I tell him but he's a smart droid. He knows the truth.

Of all the things from that encounter one thing sticks with me.

Whatever we both saw when she tried to get inside my head. It definitely shocked her but I was stunned speechless.

I hold the jacket in my hands, the same jacket I saw her wearing.

If it was just any resistance jacket I saw her wearing I wouldn't have been so speechless, but this-

This I don't think I can tell Leia.

And that chain around her neck, I don't want to even consider it.

I can't.

But there it one question I have.

Was she doing it to mess with my head or was it something stranger?


End file.
